Hell Comic Strips - Page 11
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112 Results for Hell
View 101 - 110 results for hell comic strips. Discover the best "Hell" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 17,
2012
Tags pantless weasel, search engine, optimization, game the system, accomplice, corrupt integrity
Transcript
Boss: I hired a pantless weasel yo do our search engine optimization. Boss: He'll help us gas the system and corrupt the integrity of all internet search results for our industry. Boss: Your new job title is "accomplice"
Sunday June 23,
2013
Tags anger, executives, happiness, deadline, no disturbance, threat, fired, do/dont, sexist, powertrip, euphoria, overpaid, psychology
Transcript
Boss: I'm on a deadline, so don't let anyone disturb me for at least an hour. If anyone gets past you, you're fired. CEO: Tell your boss to come to my office now. Carol: He'll fire me if I disturb him. CEO: I'm your CEO! Disturb your boss now or I'll fire you. Boss: I heard that, and if you disturb me, you're fired. CEO: You're fired if you don't! Boss: You're fired if you do! CEO: Whoa! Hold on! I'm getting a sudden wave of euphoria. Boss: Me too! CEO: Is it because we're overpaid? Boss: It... it feels... wonderful!
Wednesday March 26,
2014
Tags efficiency experts, stress, consultant, booze muhkidney, business travel, nightmare, business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant from the respected firm Booz Muhkidney. Consultant: My life is a nightmare of business travel, loneliness, and sleep deprivation. I'm only 25 years old! Boss: It's a travel day. He'll calm down after he drinks lunch.
Sunday July 27,
2014
Tags work load, complaints, inexperinced, exact opposite, doesn't know much, hired useless man, bad attendence, not perfect, ask questions
Transcript
Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?
Monday December 14,
2015
Dilbert Can Tweak The Software
Tags sales, sales personnel, demands, rules, promise, restrictions, obliviousness, business
Transcript
The Sales Call. Salesman: If you need any tweaks to the software, Dilbert can do that in minutes. Dilbert: I'm not allowed to tweak the software for one customer. Salesman: He'll do it anyway. Dilbert: I'm going to report you.
Saturday July 09,
2016
Ted Has Fly Brain
Tags greeting card, sick, brain damage, marketing, advertising, mindless, business, medical
Transcript
Carol: Sign this card for Ted. A fly went up his nose and laid eggs in his brain. Dilbert: Is he coming back to work? Carol: We think he'll live out his days in Marketing.
Wednesday November 16,
2016
Employee Weight Loss Contest
Tags obesity, health, weight loss, weight, dieting, cheating, competition, medical
Transcript
CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.
Saturday September 16,
2017
Reanimated Employee
Tags soul, death, near death experience, heaven, hell, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.
Tuesday October 10,
2017
Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate
Tags negotiating, persuasion, catch-22, argument
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't persuade my boss to let me take a class on how to negotiate. Asok: Try giving him logical reasons. He'll respond to that. Dilbert: And then I would be able to negotiate for a higher salary. Boss: Pass.
Sunday July 22,
2018
Tags twitter, social media, tweet, communication, troll, technology
Transcript
Carol: I finally signed up for Twitter. Sending my first tweet. Uh-oh. What the??? It seems I have opened some sort of portal to Hell. Demons are streaming through the portal!!! I have never seen such horrible thoughts! Gaaaa!!! Dilbert: How was your first day on Twitter? Carol: I'm already addicted to it.


