Layoff List Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for layoff list comic strips. Discover the best "Layoff List" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We're planning to outsource half of the department." "You can't tell anyone." "Is it true that half of the department will be outsourced?" "Before you answer, I should tell you that I've made a list..." "...of all the responses that mean the same as yes." "For example, if you say, 'Ignore the rumors,' that means yes." "Also on the list are, 'Why do you ask?' and, 'Who told you that?'" "That list is stupid." "Gaaa!!! That's number 8 on my list!!!"

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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Dogbert's tech support "Give me a list of all the software and hardware you're using." "Now sit there like a sheep while I randomly select a product from the list and tell you it's the problem." "What if I know it isn't?" "That will matter less than you'd imagine."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wealthy investor, #list of cutomers, #products to injure, #lawyer, #contract, #list, #legal

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The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos son, #joining dept., #intern, #mentor, #little spy, #tell hi dad, #list of compliments, #go somewhere, #three questions, #desk, #kill him

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The boss: "Our CEO's son is joining the department as an intern." "I want you to be his mentor." "And by mentor, I mean don't let the little spy learn anything about us." "If he finds out what we do, he'll tell his dad we're doing it wrong." "Here's a list of compliments you can give him." "Tell him his assignment is to go someplace and study cool motorcycles." "If he asks more than three questions, kill him." Intern: "Where's my desk?" Dilbert: "That's one."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marginally useful things, #ageeing, #say it a certain way, #tone, #beat up, #ripped shirt, #anger, #repesct, #high strung, #co worker

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Alice: "You should check with Ted to see if he knows about this sort of thing." Dilbert: "I'll add that to my list of marginally useful things that other people have suggested I do." Dilbert: "Apparently, agreeing isn't enough. You also need to say it a certain way."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #theoretically impossible, #looped back, #mobs strip, #to- do list, #had a pencil

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Wally: "It was theoretically impossible to work this week." "Everything I needed to do required me to do something else first, until it all looped back on itself like a Mobius strip." The boss: "Maybe you could make a to-do list." Wally: "As if I had a pencil."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #approved vendor list, #boss, #no one relaible, #reliable

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Dilbert: Do you have the approved vendor list?" Secretary: Hmmm, Alice and Asok asked for that list too Are you one of three people assigned to the same project because your boss believes none of you are reliable?" " Dilbert: Maybe. Secretay: Hmmm, and you're the last one to ask for the list.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need plan, #plant plan, #employee of the month, #cop, #wanted list, #net, #crazy person

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A man says, "We need a plan for making our plan." The man says, "Then we need to plan the plan's planny plan." A police officer says, "Have you seen this man?" The Boss says, "Sigh. There goes another employee of the month."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #talking, #confused, #analyzing, #worried, #panic, #injury, #Sports

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The boss says, "I can't understand why?" Dilbert says, "Why did you suddenly stop talking?" Dilbert says, "Oh no?this can't be good." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!! Now you're not making eye contact with me!" Dilbert says, "Layoffs are coming! I must be on the list!" Dilbert thinks, "My only hope is to injure myself and go on disability so he can't legally fire me." Dilbert says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" The Boss says, "Anyway, as I was saying I can't figure out why so many employees are injured."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancel project, #office politics, #boss, #bald, #goatee, #children, #staff, #let off steam, #Family

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Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."