Low Standard Comic Strips - Page 11

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208 Results for Low Standard

View 101 - 110 results for low standard comic strips. Discover the best "Low Standard" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #filthy, #buck passer, #up your alley, #anger, #disgust, #low life, #sleaze bag

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The buck-passer "Alice, this task is right up your alley." "Why should I do your work, you filthy buck-passer?!" "Because it's right up your alley." "It's gonna be right up your alley."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade computer, #non standard equipment, #cubicle, #den, #non stardard, #onitor, #healing, #clense, #upgraded computer, #abacus

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I asked the I.T. department to upgrade my computer. "They're coming here??!" "We must hide our non-standard equipment!" "Uh-oh." "So-o-o... this den of non-standardization must be your cubicle." "This non-standard printer is coming with me. And I don't remember that monitor on our list." "I must cleanse your cubicle of non-conformancce so the healing can begin." "Surely my upgraded computer will arrive soon." Months later "Abacus?" "Please shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #habitual liar, #skull, #talking skull, #running marathin, #genie in bottle

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Habitual Liar: Alice: Are you sticking with you story that you're still alive?" Liar: "I feel terrific!" "I'm running a marathon later today." Low Priced Cremations While You Wait "I'm a gennie in a bottle! Make a wish!" Alice: "GAAA!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #developing, #easy tear, #noise cancellation, #headphones, #recognize stupidity, #prototype

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Wally: "This is a prototype of the product I've been developing for the past year." "I modified a paid of standard noise-concellation headphones to recognize stupidity and block it before it reaches your ears." "Put these on and you'll enjoy the total bliss that comes from avoiding the chatter of idiots." The Boss: "Do they work?" Wally: "What?" The Boss: "I said, do they work?!!" Wally: "Does anyone have any questions?" Dilbert: "Those are ordinary headphones, aren't they?" Wally: "If you act like you can't hear, they're a prototype."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share cubicle, #outrageous, #fight, #board of directors, #importance of teamwork

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The Boss: "Dilbert, we're low on space. You'll have to share your cubicle." Dilbert: "This is outrageous! I will fight this all the way to the board of directors!" share cubicle,"Hola. My name is Lola." "But then I remembered the importance of teamwork."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raises, #percentage raises, #dont discuss, #humilaiting, #low raises, #wages, #money

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"Please don't discuss your raise with co-workers." "Whatever." "Let's see how the losers and morons did." "You only got 6%? I got 8%." "9%. Why do you ask?" "7.5%. Anything less would be humiliating." "Well, let me see...I think it was..." "Brace for impact." "8.5%" "GAAA!!" "Has she yet learned why it is a bad idea to discuss her raise with co-workers?" "Sounds like it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arranged amrriage, #low standards, #sister, #love, #has sister, #Family, #relationships

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"My relatives want me to have an arranged marriage." "If they find someone who's totally hot and has low standards, ask if she has a sister." "What about love?" "How can you not love that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"What the...? How can you be relaxed with so much work to do?" "Your mistake is taking pride in how much work you can complete." "You see, Alice, there's an infinite quantity of potential work." "But it's only possible to do a finite amount." "You have set yourself up for certain failure according to your own arbitrary standard." "By way of contrast, I take pride in not taking pride in my work." "I've already achieved my goal and it's not even lunch time yet." "Don't you need a new goal for after lunch?" "I'm aiming for a distended stomach."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Did you fund the infrastructure project yet?" "Nope." "I'm playing budget chicken with the director of operations." "I'm hoping that his department needs the infrastructure more than we do." "If I can bluff him into funding the project with his budget instead of mine, I win." "He'll be reprimanded for exceeding his budget and I'll get a bonus for being under mine." "I'll use the bonus to buy a summer cabin by the lake." "Then I'll e-mail him pictures of my cabin and say, 'I hope you're enjoying your infrastructure as much as I'm enjoying my cabin!'" "You've reached a new low." "I've been thinking of firing you so I can get a fishing hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'll be right back after I return these dishes to the cafeteria." "Whoa, whoa!" "Winners don't return dishes to the cafeteria." "Then how do the dishes get back?" "You must use your power of low standards." "Just place the dishes on the floor and wait for a loser with high standards." "Gaaa! Dishes on the floor!" "Once again I have to clean up after slobs!" "It is like a miracle." "Now ask her to bring you back a yogurt."