Monkey Dna Comic Strips - Page 11
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116 Results for Monkey Dna
View 101 - 110 results for monkey dna comic strips. Discover the best "Monkey Dna" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 28,
2013
Tags #engineer, #google, #evolved, #pure energy, #apathy, #in cop, #coffee, #desk, #engineering
Transcript
Behold my greatness! I was na engineer at google before I evolved to pure energy! Behold my path that will suck the energy out of you like a monkey on an orange. Good bot, Right in the cup.
Friday January 03,
2014
Tags #anger, #honesty, #criticize bahavior, #monkey on crack, #moron
Transcript
Boss: Criticize the behavior, not the person. The email you sent to everyone looks as if it had been written by a monkey on crack. Just to be clear, you are terrific, but everything you do is exactly what a moron would do.
Thursday May 22,
2014
Tags #live under bridge, #subordinates, #troll dna, #mother issues, #therapy, #therapist, #shrink, #patient, #couch, #pad and pen, #medical, #psychology
Transcript
None of my subordinates are supportive. I don't know why. Perhaps they're sensing that you have troll DNA. Um... What? Did your mom ever live under a bridge?
Monday December 07,
2015
Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues
Tags #technology, #future, #death, #prediction, #health, #reaction, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.
Sunday January 17,
2016
Tags #sexism, #sexist, #misogyny, #conversation, #talking
Transcript
Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.
Sunday May 28,
2017
Transcript
Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.
Tuesday December 19,
2017
Zimbu Tests The App
Tags #technology, #addiction, #stimulus, #animal testing, #social media
Transcript
Narrator: Zimbu The Monkey. Dilbert: We need to do animal testing on our new app. Do you mind taking a look? Zimbu: I'm getting a strong dopamine hit every time I click on it. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Dilbert: May I have it back? Zimbu: Put that hand away before I bite it off.
Wednesday December 20,
2017
Animal Testing Is Done
Tags #app, #technology, #addiction, #morals, #big business, #ethics
Transcript
Dilbert: The animal testing for our app is done. The app is so addictive that Zimbu the monkey was hospitalized for starvation while using it. I think we all know what we need to do. Boss: Submit it to the app store?
Saturday December 30,
2017
The Problem Is Humans
Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business
Transcript
Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.
Wednesday January 24,
2018
Alice Gives Honest Opinion
Tags #honest opinion, #monkey vomit, #rescind, #request
Transcript
The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!