No Staff Comic Strips - Page 11

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119 Results for No Staff

View 101 - 110 results for no staff comic strips. Discover the best "No Staff" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #bought entire era system, #software, #money, #boat sinkiing, #anchor to head, #staff, #out of money, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We inadvertently bought an entire ERP system without any software. Now we're out of money." Asok says, "Why do I suddenly feel like my boat is sinking and someone nailed an anchor to my head?" The Boss says, "If only someone on my staff could write the software in his spare time..." Asok says, "Glub glub glub"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #reading, #e-mail, #money, #broke, #budget cuts, #cleaning, #toilet

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To all staff: We had to let our cleaning crew go for budget reasons. In a separate e-mail, I will explain our new 'Adopt a toilet' program. Dilbert says, "I have to be honest, Timmy. I don't see college in your future."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cancel project, #office politics, #boss, #bald, #goatee, #children, #staff, #let off steam, #Family

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Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #tax incentives, #capital investments, #pursue opportunities, #over burdened staff, #divert resocurces, #top priorities

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Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #criticize, #enjoy anticipation, #fighting, #incented, #staff meeting

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Boss: I'm waiting for people to walk by so I can criticize you in front of others. Dilbert: What? Boss: I want the criticism to sting as much as possible so you'll be incented to do all the right things in the future. I guess it can wait until the staff meeting. Dilbert: That way I can enjoy the anticipation, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #being freightened, #creepy vibe, #leadership, #obsolete, #public speaking, #sense of urgency, #thread the needle, #tech platforms

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Dogbert: You need to imbue your staff with a sense of urgency. Boss: Gaaa!!! Our technology platforms are obsolete! Dogbert: Try it again with less panic. Boss: We're doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried. Dogbert: That one had a creepy vibe. A sense of urgency is halfway between being too frightened to act and too dumb to know what to do. Boss: Gaaa!!! Duh!!! Dogbert: You didn't quite thread the needle. Boss: Here comes leadership!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #rate staff, #no upper body strength, #real reason, #business

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Boss: Company policy says I have to rate one-third of my staff as "Does not meet expectations." I chose the two of you because you have no upper body strength. This way it's safer if you go berzerk. I thought you said I should tell them the reason I picked them. Catbert: Not the real reason.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #flattery, #happiness, #underlings, #achievemnets, #warrants praise, #under budget, #head pat, #boss, #enjoys head pat, #psychology

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CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #leadership, #obliviousness, #public speaking, #media, #zero sales, #staff resigned, #fireing, #wisdom, #Entertainment

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Catbert: Our sales dropped to zero because you told the media we have a better product coming soon. And 95% of the staff resigned because you announced plans to fire 50% of them. Maybe it would be better if you never spoke to anyone again. CEO: How would people get my wisdom.

Network Is Slow

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Network Is Slow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bandwidth, #network, #speed, #nsfw, #videos, #internet, #technology

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Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.