Plane Control Comic Strips - Page 11
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CEO Visit CEO: "My meetings go faster when I set the tone." "Opinions are treason." "Do you have any opinions, Doofy?"
Coffee swilling Beaver Beaver: If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it.... Id still chew the bejeezus out f it because I have no impulse control. That reminds me: the pencil I borrowed from you isn't coming back.
The Boss: "Alice, you have the highest salary in the department. But don't tell anyone what it is." "Dilbert, you have the highest salary in the department. But don't tell anyone what it is." "I can't believe I never thought of that before." Catbert: "Yeah, especially since you're the highest paid manager."
Catbert: "According to our employee brain monitor, you have not been thinking about work." "All of your brain activity is in the zones that control love of coffee, digestive functions and...uh-oh." "I'M BLIND!!!" Wally: "Oh, that one."
The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"
Wally: My accomplishment this week was helping Alice finish her project in a timely manner." Alice: "You didn't do anything to help me." Wally: "Sure I did." "Remember when I came to your cubicle to ask for some data I need for my project?" "You said you were too busy, and shooed me away." Alice: "If I had insisted on doing my job, you would have had less time to do yours." Wally: "It's called teamwork." "Are we still big on that?" Alice: "Must control...First...Of...Death."
The Boss: Dilbert says I'm predictable. Am I predictable? Catbert: Gesundheit in advance. The Boss: Must...Control sneeze. Must...Not be...predictable." "Mroomph!" Catbert: Yesterday I drew a picture of what this would look like."
The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"
Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."
Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."