Problems In Dept Comic Strips - Page 11

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217 Results for Problems In Dept

View 101 - 110 results for problems in dept comic strips. Discover the best "Problems In Dept" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2004's comic on:


Tags #lisa, #woman, #happy owman, #nice woman, #engineers liked, #appaorachable, #cubicle, #gifts, #poems, #Food, #replacing

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The Boss: "Now Dilbert will explain what went wrong with our projects this year." DILBERT: "All of our problems were caused by a woman named Lisa." "Lisa never learned to act aloof and unapproachable. Sometimes she smiles and men she doesn't even know." "Gasp." "Gasp." "As you know, 90% of engineers are lonely men." "A permanent line formed outside her cubicle." "The engineers brought her food, gifts and poems that weren't as funny as they'd hoped." "Food, Gifts, Poems (bad)." "I recommend replacing Lisa with someone more like this." Alice: "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Asok: "My poems aren't funny?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #trolls, #hell, #payroll system, #automated sadistic, #phone system, #tech support, #complicated

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Asok: Are you the troll that handles our payroll system? I have a problem. Troll: problems are handled by our automated sadistic phone system. ASOK: For tech support, press the exact value of 22 divided by 7

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stock investing, #valuable data, #project on schedule, #refines data, #ceo, #accountants, #nanotaechnology, #discount brokerage, #investors, #secret society, #donald trumps

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dogcart explains stock investing Dogbert: pay attention. First, employees provide data. Th boss: is your project on schedule? Wally: I didn't know I had a project. A Manager refines the data. The boss: we're on schedule. The CEO gives visibility to analysts. CEO: no problems whatsoever. Accountants publish bad news in footage notes using a combination of nanotechnology and gibberish. Accountant: still too obvious. -Discount brokerage firms tell you that you're smart- Use you own ideas! Investors do their own research Buy it because I did. Thank you unbiased stranger! A secret society of Donald Trump look alike end up with all your money trumps: you're fired. you are!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2004's comic on:


Tags #hot mess employee, #magnet for problems, #wally stalks her

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"My life is a rolling disaster." "I'm a magnet for all problems legal, financial, medical and romantic." "Uh-oh... I sense another disaster brewing." wally: "Shes cute. I think I'll stalk her every day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2004's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #hits on hire, #crazy mess, #problems, #asks to move in, #wants dinner

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wally: "Your life is a rolling disaster, so I figure I should ask you for a date." "I'm hoping that the source of your problem is that you consistently make poor choices." "Maybe you could buy some groceries and make me a nice dinner." "Would you like to move in with me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2004's comic on:


Tags #credit reporting company, #data, #death, #debilitating, #health problems, #low cost provider, #ruined lives, #medical

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Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2004's comic on:


Tags #girlfriend, #two probelms, #looks, #personlaity, #extreme makeover, #fascinated by new person, #9 good tsories, #social liability, #relationships

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Dilbert: why can't I find a girlfriend? DOgbert: you have two problems: your looks and your personality. Dilbert: Hmm,two itsn't bad. I can fix my looks by getting and extreme makeover. Dogbert: you'll still need to improve M.T.T.S.F. Dilbert: What? Dogbert: mean time to story failure: Its a measure of ho long you can be fascinating to a new person. Dogbert: Ive been counting and you only ave nine good stories after you use them up youre a social liability. Dilbert: I saw a horse kick a woodchuck over a fence. Dogbert: still only nine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #brown bag seminars, #ethical, #ethics problems, #seminar

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The Boss: The company will be holding a series of brown bag seminars on corporate ethics. Dilbert:is it ethical to steal our lunch hour and pretend that the ethics problems sent come from our executives? The Boss: I wouldn't know because I haven't taken the seminar.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #other people, #problems, #discomfort, #effect on oether, #oblivious

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Dilbert: I've noticed that all my problems are caused by other people. Dilbert: Ive noticed that all of my problems are caused by other people. Yet ut seen sos unlikely that other people would cause me so much discomfort while i never bother anyone. Is it possible that Im oblivious to my effect on others? dogcart: ZZZZZ

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2004's comic on:


Tags #pointy haired boss, #problem, #project, #upgrade denied, #stupid resolution, #extra disc space, #conscioussness

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"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."