Projects Floundering Comic Strips - Page 11

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138 Results for Projects Floundering

View 101 - 110 results for projects floundering comic strips. Discover the best "Projects Floundering" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wall The Company Taint

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Wall The Company Taint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Promotion, #manager, #taint, #success

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Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #work, #google, #big business, #projects, #ideas, #innovation

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CEO: We're borrowing a policy from Google because they are so awesome. You may now use 20% of your workday on your own project ideas. Dilbert: Are you saying we can do 20% less work on our core functions? CEO: No, no. Nothing like that. I'm saying you can work on your own project ideas for 20% of your time. Dilbert: Okay... so... if the 20% doesn't come out of our work hours, where does it come from? Alice: I think he's trying to make us work 20% longer for the same amount of pay. Dilbert; We could just tell people we do it, but not do it. CEO: Same as Google! That's all I'm asking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadlines, #deadline, #management, #time management, #projects, #distraction, #multitasking

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Boss: When do you think you can get that done for me? Dilbert: Depends. If I had no interruptions, I could finish in four hours. But we have to factor in the inefficiency of your management. For example, you're likely to give me six new projects before I get started on this one. And you force me to work in ta noisy office surrounded by all the people I need to avoid to get work done. Given all of that, I'd say it will take seven months. Boss: I'll give you three months because I'm a leader. Dilbert: Oookay. And... how much of the three months will involve you standing there?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #excuse, #leadership, #Promotion, #promote

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Boss: I can't promote you because you didn't have an impact on anything important. Dilbert: How can I have an impact on important things when you put me on unimportant projects? Boss: That sounds like an excuse. Dilbert: What's the difference between an excuse and a great reason? Boss: It depends who says it. Leaders have great reasons when things don't work out, but losers just have excuses. Dilbert: So... you can turn my excuses into great reasons by promoting me? Boss: No, because I can't promote you. Dilbert: That sounds like an excuse.

Charge All Hours To Projects

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Charge All Hours To Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #billing, #honesty, #fraud, #money, #time

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Boss: Make sure you charge 100 percent of your time to project codes. Dilbert: Are you asking us to fraudulently apply our miscellaneous hours to specific projects so we can overbill clients? Boss: It's not a crime if you pretend it was an accident. Dilbert: Did you learn that in "flaw" school?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #freedom, #free will, #schedule, #work load, #stress, #free time, #breaks, #lunch

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Boss: Schedule your training during your lunch hours so it doesn't impact your projects. Dilbert: But... my lunch hour is the only freedom I experience in a typical day. The rest of my time is either scheduled to the minute or driven by whatever crisis is happening. Please don't take my lunch hour and reduce me to nothing but a prisoner in a digital chain gang. I'm barely clinging to my illusion of free will as it is. This could push me over the edge. If you take away my one hour of freedom in the day, I might as well be a robot. Boss: Relax. This is temporary. Dilbert: For how long? Boss: Until I can replace you with a robot.

Dashboard For The Boss

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Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #ruse, #trick, #deception.

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Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Dashboard Never Changes

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Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #trick, #technology, #status, #ruse

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Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workload, #work ethic, #laziness, #teamwork, #team, #philosophy, #business

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Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

Trust Your First Instinct

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Trust Your First Instinct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #laziness, #work ethic

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Boss: People are telling me you are accepting bribes to help co-workers on projects. Wally: You think I'm helping my co-workers? Boss: Good point. That part didn't sound right. Wally: Trust your first instinct.