Risk Management Assessment Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

423 Results for Risk Management Assessment

View 101 - 110 results for risk management assessment comic strips. Discover the best "Risk Management Assessment" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catbert the hr director, #groom for management, #bugs in fur, #lick head, #can't be manager

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Catbert the H.R. Director. Asok the intern sits at his computer. Catbert stands on Asok's desk. Catbert says, "Asok, it's time to groom you for management." Catbert looks through Asok's hair. Catbert says, "I don't see too many bugs in your fur. Can you lick the top of your own head?" Asok frowns. Asok says, "No, I can't." Catbert says, "Then you can't be a manager."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job counseling, #disguise fact, #moron, #knowledge mangement, #optimization intiatives, #key learnings

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management guide, #work, #bright enough, #decions, #randomness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a table with the boss. Dogbert wears a turban. Dogbert says, "You must use the stars as your management guide." The boss says, "Does that work?" The boss says, "If you believe it works, then you're not bright enough to make your own decisions anyway." Dogbert wags his tail. Dogbert says, "So randomness is probably an improvement." The boss says, "Q.E.D."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #risk management assessment, #no risk, #managemnt, #add anything

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, to the boss, "As requested, I did a "risk management" assessment." Alice points to a picture of the boss with a zero over his head. Alice says, "I concluded that there was no risk of any management." Alice says, "Do you have anything to add?" The boss says, "I'll get back to you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work all night, #finish prodcut, #random act, #management, #seem less random

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss runs into Alice in the hall. He cocks his arm and says, "Alice, I expect you to work all night to finish that project. It's vital!" Alice says, "Aagh!! I'm a victim of a random act of management!" The boss sits behind his desk, looks in a mirror and thinks, "I was sure the arm-pumping would make it seem less random."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #training classes, #skilled, #better job, #secret untraining method, #hammer, #head, #hit on head

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption "Catbert: evil h.r. director" Catbert looks into Asok's cubicle. Catbert says, "Asok, you have taken too many training classes." Asok says, "Too many?" Catbert says, "You're too skilled now. There's a risk you'll leave for a better job." Asok stands blind folded. Catbert holds a huge hammer above his head. Asok says, "Does the "secret untraining method' work every time?" Catbert says, "I've never tried it before."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management book, #obvious advice, #quotes from dead people, #ganghi, #assert cart, #Dogbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands with a coffee cup behind Dogbert who wags his tail and types at his computer. Dilbert says, "What's your new management book about?" Dogbert types and says, "It's a bunch of obvious advice packaged with quotes from famous dead people." Dilbert says, "Did Gandhi really say "Get that #!% dessert cart off my foot!"?" Dogbert says, "He might have."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget system, #under utilized mainframe, #obsoltete, #reality versus management

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, to Dilbert, "Move our budget system onto the under-utilized mainframe." Dilbert says, "It's under-utilized because it's obsolete." Dilbert thinks, "Reality versus mangement; who shall be the victor?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #relocatating, #better cubicle, #team of movers, #boxed possessions, #undisclosed location, #laminate company id

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok is packing boxes. He tells Dilbert, "I'm relocating to a better cubicle." Asok continues, "Tonight a team of movers will take my boxed possessions to an undisclosed location." Asok continues, "They're also going to laminate my company I.D." Asok continues, "I'm supposed to leave it with the guard on the way out." Asok holds up a check and says, "And I got paid two days early!" Asok continues, "It's all because management appreciated the constructive criticism I posted on the message board." Asok folds his arms proudly and says, "As I hoped, my condescending tone helped them to see their folly." Dilbert asks, "Do you mind if I rifle through your boxes and take office supplies?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogberts, #accelerated course, #check book, #final exam, #todays date

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina talks on the phone at her cubicle, and says, "I'd like to enroll in Dogbert's accelerated management course." Dogbert says, "Take out yout checkbook and begin your final exam now." Tina says, "Question one: What is today's date?"