Two Bulls Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for two bulls comic strips. Discover the best "Two Bulls" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new cucbicle, #self suffcient, #work space, #life suport, #various tubes, #watch to body, #vital signs, #monitor, #central location, #human resources dept, #emergency hiring

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"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #market research, #customers age, #proposal study, #funding, #no answers, #half above, #half below

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Dogbert: My market research indicates that 50 % of your customers are above the median age. But the shocking discovery was that 50 % were below the median age. The Boss: what percent are exactly the median age? Dogbert: Im proposing to study that impasse two.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judges were cruel, #olympic competition, #play, #ratbert, #scored a two, #sofa, #doves, #rat on couch

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Ratbert: A hush comes over the crowd. This would be Ratbert's most difficult dive. Dilbert: I give it a two. Ratbert: The judges were cruel but rather captured the hearts aof the audience , endorsements would follow.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management fast tracker, #deliver big report, #ceo, #fax, #shredder, #tricked, #punked, #contempt

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"Hey, Matt. How's our favorite management fast-tracker?" "Great! I've got two minutes to deliver my big report to our CEO. Can you tell me where the fax is?" "Oops, I'm wrong. That's the shredder." "He'll go far in this company." "Bzzzzp."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #downsize, #improve service

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The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #genetic research, #clone, #obedient slaves, #conquer, #world dominion, #living things, #work on giant cucumbers, #arms and legs

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Genetic research Dogbert: Id like you to clone an army of obedient slaves for me, I plan to conquer the world and have dominion over all living things. scientist: I mostly work on giant cucumbers. Dogbert: Mix in some arms and legs and give me two packages of seeds.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #phone poll, #Dogbert, #voting twice, #each call costs, #money making, #opinions

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"People are so stupid they should pay me to listen to their opinions." "If you disagree, you can call my phone poll at 555-Dog-BERT. Each call costs two dollars." "I'm voting twice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pyramid scam, #marketing breakthrough, #new recruit, #amazingly wealthy, #being your own boss, #one thousand dollars, #the world pays, #money, #scam

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"Remember, it's not a pyramid scam, it's a marketing breakthrough!" "The beauty of it is a new recruit is born every minute." "Are we guaranteed to become amazingly wealthy?" "While being our own boss?" "Yes, unless you're lazy or ethical." "Each person you recruit pays you one thousand dollars. The recruits get their own recruits and charge them TWO thousand, and so on." "Eventually, every person on Earth will be giving you money. And that adds up." "You can't argue with the math." "I feel like we're a big family." "The best part is that every person on Earth will get rich!" "Actually, the last recruit kinda gets it in the shorts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two people, #focus group, #loved prodcut, #not statistically useful, #free food, #sandwhiches

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The Boss: Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production. Dilbert: The opinions of two people are not statically useful. ...especially if you're one of the two people. The boss: I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #two years, #sudden surge, #business case apporved, #get promoted, #accountability, #business

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Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.