2018 Comic Strips - Page 11
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Character
Wednesday April 11,
2018
Dilbert Tries To Gaslight
Tags conspiracy, aspersions, paranoia, accusation, rumor, gaslighting
Transcript
Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Boss: Alice says you're trying to cover up the fact that you deleted her files. Dilbert: I didn't delete her files. You're both insane. Alice: What did he say? Boss: He tried to gaslight me. That proves he's guilty. Narrator: Continued...
Thursday April 12,
2018
He Didn't Deny It
Tags rumor, conspiracy, sources, vetting, accusation, guilt, innocence
Transcript
Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Catbert: I've heard from multiple sources that you deleted Alice's files on the server. Dilbert: Your multiple sources all heard it from Alice. That is only one source. Catbert: He didn't deny it. Narrator: Continued...
Friday April 13,
2018
Exactly What Guilty People Say
Tags conspiracy, accusation, guilt, innocence, logic, rumor
Transcript
Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen... Carol: Alice says you deleted her files on the server. Dilbert: That didn't happen. She's nuts. Carol: Ha! You wouldn't be so angry if it weren't true. Dilbert: What? That doesn't even make sense. Carol: That's exactly what guilty people say. Narrator: Continued...
Saturday April 14,
2018
No Path To Success
Tags proof, guilt, exoneration, accusation, negative
Transcript
Dilbert: I emailed you proof that you were wrong when you accused me of deleting Alice's project files. Boss: Now I hate you for always needing to be right. Dilbert: I don't see a path to success here. Boss: Your negativity is like a cancer in the workplace.
Sunday April 15,
2018
Tags suggestion, invention, budget, money
Transcript
Dilbert: The electronic suggestion box project is halfway done. The original design called for a bos that scans and digitizes suggestions written on paper and emails them to the appropriate manager. Then the device shreds the original paper suggestion to make room for more. I already built the box and the shredder. I'll need additional funding to finish the scanning part. Boss: We don't have any flexibility in our budget. Let's just deploy what you have. Dilbert: All I have is a box that shreds suggestions before anyone reads them. Boss: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.
Monday April 16,
2018
The Losing Team
Tags blockchain, training, improvement, legacy, education, skills
Transcript
Dilbert: I'd like to work on our blockchain project to keep my skills updated. Boss: I need you to be a team player and maintain our legacy systems until your technical skills become obsolete. Dilbert: What kind of team is that? Boss: You'll be on the losing team.
Tuesday April 17,
2018
Deducing Rank
Tags hierarchy, rank, marketing, jargon, lingo, adspeak, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.
Wednesday April 18,
2018
Boss Instincts
Thursday April 19,
2018
Terrible Personality
Tags hiring, company culture, personality, engineers, psychology
Transcript
Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.
Friday April 20,
2018
Dumb Question
Tags engineers, questioning, dumb question, stupidity, jargon, language, lingo
Transcript
Boss: I'm not an engineer, so this might be a dumb question. But why can't we 3-D print a blockchain and HTML it into a bitcoin? Dilbert: Alice can answer that. Alice: I quit.


