30% Raise Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for 30% raise comic strips. Discover the best "30% Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health problems, #absenteeism, #raise, #avoid exercise

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Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #behind schedule, #defective equipment, #improbable event, #reliable vendor, #sales guy, #golfing, #bought hat, #impossible boss, #on the hook

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The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise because your project is behind schedule." Dilbert says, "That's because the vendor delivered defective equipment." The Boss says, "It is your job to anticipate that sort of problem and head it off." Dilbert says, "It isn't possible to anticipate and head off every improbable event." The Boss says, "Well, you could have picked a more reliable vendor." Dilbert says, "You told me to use this vendor because the sales guy took you golfing and bought you a hat." The Boss says, "Well, you should have seen that coming and burned down all hat factories a year ago." Dilbert says, "He would have bribed you another way." The Boss says, "That's what lazy people say."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discriminating, #genetic reason, #idiot, #intolerance, #turned down for raise, #maximum raise, #learning problem, #desparation, #money

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The Boss: Alice, I can't give you the maximum raise because you don't respect other people's differences. Alice says, Why are you discriminating against me for my intolerance? If I am intolerant for some genetic reason, then I can't help it. Alice says, "And if I'm intolerant because I can't learn to be otherwise, then obviously I have a learning problem. Alice says, "Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not acceptable for me to notice it? You need to start appreciating me for my intolerance! Alice says, And while I'm at it, allow my to mention that a monkeys seat cushion has better views than what I'm looking at right now. The Boss says, "I'm not quite sure where to go with this." Alice says, "Ooh! Oooh! I have a suggestion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asok, #intern, #indian institute of technology, #30 years in box, #punished to box

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Man says, "Asok, you have violated the Indian Institute of Technology's ban on the use of telekinesis in the ungifted world." Man says, "Your punishment is 30 years in the box." Dilbert says, "Where were you this morning?" Asok The Intern says, "Grrrrr"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad raise, #boss, #fired, #managing expectations, #heartless

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The Boss: You're fired! woman: Gaaa!!!" The Boss: Not really. But now this 2% raise won't seem so bad. This job is all about managing expectations."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee maker, #meeting, #not enough money, #raise, #too much, #budget, #business

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The boss: I'd like to give you a raise but I used the entire budget on a new coffee maker. It's a nice one.There's talk that I paid too much for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #boss, #raise, #political capital, #business

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The Boss: If I try to give you the raise you deserve, the people above me will just reduce it. Alice: Maybe you could use some of your political capital to argue my case. The Boss: Maybe not.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goal, #rewrite law, #supply & demand, #toss a purr

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Asok: I need a goal. What can I do to get a raise? Catbert: Try rewriting the law of supply and demand. Asok: Harsh. Catbert: I have to toss a purr your way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice quits, #2 weeks notice, #20% raise, #calls father, #quitter, #moron, #raise instead of quit

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The Boss: "Alice, I got your two weeks' notice." "Will you stay if I give you a 20% raise?" Alice: "Okay." "Hey dad, do you remember you said I should never be a quitter? You do? Well, it turns out that you're a moron."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #highest raise, #exceed expectations, #thought possible, #goals higher, #incompetent, #setting goals, #maximum achievement, #choices

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"The Boss: I can't give you the highest raise because you didn't exceed expectations." Dilbert: "If you thought it was possible for me to exceed my expectations, you would have set the goals higher." "So there are only two possibilities here." "Either you are incompetent at setting goals..." "Or I attained the maximum possible achievement and I deserve the maximum raise." "Which is it?" The Boss: "Can I hear those two choices again?"