Antique Thing Comic Strips - Page 11

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485 Results for Antique Thing

View 101 - 110 results for antique thing comic strips. Discover the best "Antique Thing" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phones, #distraction, #frustration, #multitasking, #phone, #smart phones, #playing, #karma, #wishing death

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Dilbert: I would like to thank each of you for playing with your phones and not listening to a word I said all meeting. I hope karma is a real thing and frozen lavatory debris from airplanes kills each of you. Alice: What was he going on about? Wally: Beats me. I'm not much of a multitasker.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoy, #annoyance, #corpse, #escalade, #experience, #inexperience, #murder, #premeditated murder, #prototype, #scientific, #strangle, #boss

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Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap

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Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #not caring what others think, #total uslessness, #key to success, #discussion, #employees, #hoping it goes, #business

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Wally: Asok, the key to success is not caring what others think of you. Coincidentally, that is also the key to being totally useless. The important thing is that other people can't tell which way you're hoping it goes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #any penalty, #big trouble, #idiotic plan, #imperfect plan, #leading by example, #perfect plan

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Its better to execute an imperfect plan today than a perfect plan next week. Yay! we're free from any penalty if we do thing wrong. um, no nothing like that. You're still in big trouble if you do anything wrong. and Im also in big trouble if I take linger to do things right? Yes. Okay , get it, Your plan is idiotic, but we should do it anyway and hot wait for you to s ay something smarter. you're leading by example nicely done. what other dumb things should we do right away?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pessimism, #start up idea, #pivoting, #optimisim, #enthusiam, #doomed

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Dilbert: I have an idea for a start-up. Dogbert: You're doomed. Dilbert: Maybe the first idea won't work, but I'll keep pivoting until something does. Dogbert: You're doomed. Dilbert: The most important thing is that I need to keep my optimism and enthusiasm high. Dogbert: You're doomed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #obliviousness, #act like start up, #ask for funding, #hacker

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CEO: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean we can ask for funding for one thing and then pivot six times and build something entirely different? CEO: Is there a version where we don't do any of that and I can still call myself a hacker?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #takes picture, #flash spot, #vision, #place ads, #little spot, #huge personal violation, #your privacy

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CEO: When someone takes your picture, the flash spot stays in your vision for a few seconds. I want you to figure out how to place ads on that little spot. Dilbert: That would be a huge personal violation. CEO: Bah! You said the same thing when we took your privacy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #change recommendation, #approval, #feel ownership, #feel you own me, #ignorant decisions, #more clear, #agreement, #business

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Boss: Change your recommendation to the opposite of what you wrote and send it to me for approval. Dilbert: Why do I need approval for the thing you just approved? Boss: I want you to feel some ownership. Dilbert: I already feel that you own me. Boss: I mean that I want you to feel ownership of the recommendation. Dilbert: How can I feel ownership of your ignorant decisions? Boss: By getting my approval for them. I can't be more clear. Dilbert: At least we agree on that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #optimism, #die younger, #ignornat, #comparison, #peers, #bright future, #better than me

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Dilbert: What a great day! Alice: What's all this nonsense? Dilbert: I"m trying to be an optimist. Alice: Studies show that optimists die younger. So this optimism thing just makes you look ignorant. And because my happiness is based on a comparison to my peers, I don't want your future to be too bright. Stop thinking you're better than me in the future! Dilbert: This is exactly why I want to die younger. Alice: You already knew that optimists die young? Dilbert: Yup! How's your plan working?