Cell Division Comic Strips - Page 11
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Tina: I'm not attracted to you, but I'd like to date you for one month. That should be long enough to resolve any tech support issues on my home computer, cell phone and home theater." Dilbert: Would there be any kissing? Tina: What kind of girl do you think I am?
The Boss: Our alternative fuel division has found a way to turn fresh water into fuel! Dilbert: Wouldn't that turn the world into an uninhabitable wasteland in the long run? The Boss: Not if someone finds a way to turn oil into water.
Alice : Loud Howard insists on using his speak-phone in his cubicle. You have to do something about it. The Boss: "I'll move him to a private office that just became available. Problem solved. Alice: I need to punch you until we both forget what happened here." Asok: Gaaa!!! Dilbert: Spare the glasses.
The Boss: My Elbonian division won't do any work unless someone is watching them every minute. Catbert: "Tell them you have hidden cameras." "Then randomly fire one Elbonian per week." The Boss: "Hee-hee! Evil makes my buttocks tingle."
"Every company needs goals." GOALS "We have division goals, department goals, district goals, personal goals and affiliate goals." "You will all attend a four-hour training session on how to write goals." "Every week you will report on how you are doing compared to your goals." "Those reports will be entered into a giant database." "Won't the size and complexity of the database make it impossible to know what's really happening?" "Yes. That's why your raises will be based on what you look like." "Bummer for you."
"Welcome to 'Dogbert's Barge City', your floating paradise." "Please leave your cell phones behind, as well as anything else that might let you signal for help." "There's more garbage in paradise than you'd think."
"I'm starting Dogbert's Selfish Cell Phone Company." "It has no phone number. You can call people and bother them when they're busy, but they can't do the same to you." "Hi Mom. Oh, nothing. I'm just walking someplace." "STOP BOTHERING ME!"