Employee Birthday Parties Comic Strips - Page 11
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Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?
Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.
The Entitled Employee. Man: I need a raise because I bought a luxury car. Boss: Your pay is based on your performance, not your personal expenses. Man: You leave me no choice but to keep the car and not pay for it. Boss: Tell them you deserve it.
The Entitled Employee. Dilbert: Did you finish your assignment for the project? Coworker: No, I was tired, and it looked hard. I assume someone does the hard stuff for me. Am I wrong? Dilbert: I need to have a word with your parents.
Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.
Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.
Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.
Boss: We have a problem. Our employee wellness site lists stress as a medical problem. And working here causes stress. Catbert: How many of them took paid medical leave? Boss: It's just you now. I'm packed.
Wally: I need to take an extended medical leave to deal with my job-related stress. The stress is degrading my cardiovascular system. I could drop dead any minute. Boss: Which part of your job is causing stress? Wally: I think it's the work part.