Hows My Walking Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for hows my walking comic strips. Discover the best "Hows My Walking" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #park, #copyright, #ownership, #humor, #Sports

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Dilbert says, "I lost an intellectual property case with my ex-employer. Now they own my name." Dilbert says, "It costs my five dollars every time I introduce myself." woman says, "I already forgot your name. What was it?" Dilbert says, "Can I tell you next month? I'm on a budget?" woman says, "Sure, if you think you can find me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antimatter version, #killed, #cup of coffee

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Alice says, "You know that antimatter version of yourself that you brought to work?" Alice says, "I killed him with a cup of coffee. I think he enjoyed it. Because he's, like, opposite." Alice says, "But enough about me. How's your day going?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appear to be concerned, #decision making, #frequently thwarted, #impractical advice, #no one decides, #perpetual problems, #rarely disappointed, #unwarranted optimism

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Dilbert says, "I have an issue." The Boss says, "Lordy lord." Dilbert says, "No one in the department wants to be left out of the decision making." Dilbert says, "But no one is willing to make a decision." Dilbert says, "As a result, all of my problems are perpetual." Dilbert says, "Can you do something about that?" The Boss says, "I can appear to be concerned. How's this expression?" Dilbert says, "Can you combine that with some impractical advice and unwarranted optimism?" Dilbert says, "I'm frequently thwarted, but rarely disappointed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworkers, #cubicles, #question, #busy, #promise of speed, #five seconds, #name calling, #no time, #disrespect, #no help

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Tina; "Do you have a minute?" Dilbert: "No." Tina: "This will just take a second." Dilbert: "No it won't." Tina: "It's real quick." Dilbert: Never is. Tina: "You have my word that it will take no longer than five seconds." Dilbert: "Okay. Go." Tina: "Oh, good. So, I was walking by and I thought maybe I should stop and ask you something because..." Dilbert: "Time's up." Tina: "Jerk" Dilbert: "Liar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #consultatnt, #lies or truth, #manage engineers, #earthworm juggle, #premium price

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Dogbert Consults Dilbert: "Do you want me to lie to you for $400 per hour or give you the truth for $200?" The Boss: "I'll take the truth." Dogbert: "Okay, the problem is that having you try to manage engineers is like having an earthworm try to juggle." "How's my premium pricing option sound to you now?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #serial personal problems, #in love, #medical school cadaver, #bad decisons, #acting cold, #boyfriend acting cold

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Nancy, the employee with serious personal problems Nancy: "I'm in love with a medical school cadaver." Alice: "Do you ever think that maybe your personal problems are caused by your own bad decisions?" Nancy: "How's it my fault that my boyfriend is acting cold?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project coming, #pile of failure, #15 drunken monkeys, #jigsaw puzzle

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Wally: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: It's a streaming pile of failure. Dilbert: It's like fifteen drunken monkeys with a jigsaw puzzle." The Boss: How's your project coming along?" Dilbert: Fine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alien, #bring technology, #handle oa agavel, #new guy, #order in the court, #simpletons, #snout, #working out, #health

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I came to this company to bring the technology of my advanced culture to you simpletons. "Has anyone ever told you that your snout is like the handle of a gavel?" "A what?" "How's the new guy working out?" "ORDER IN THE COURT!" BAM BAM BAM

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best donuts, #diet, #employee eats, #top five, #donut eating, #tempting, #envy, #boss diet, #health

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Wally: "How's your diet coming along?" "MM-GUWUNG-MM-GUH-MUH!" "It's hard to pick the one best doughnut I've ever had, but this one is in my top five."