Invest 5 Million Comic Strips - Page 11

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200 Results for Invest 5 Million

View 101 - 110 results for invest 5 million comic strips. Discover the best "Invest 5 Million" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #audio lessons, #hundred million, #showing up, #performing ceo, #be the person, #buy audio lessons

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Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #million lines of code, #irrelevent data, #key your car, #no choice

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The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #record loss, #press release, #ceo stepped down, #100 million, #tenure, #shareholders, #bought stock

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Dilbert is working on his computer. Wally is standing behind him. Dilbert says, "Here's the press release about our record loss." Dilbert reads, "The CEO stepped down after earning more than $100 million more than the company itself during his tenure." Dilbert continues reading, "In a message to shareholders, he said, 'Ha ha! Maybe you should have bought stock in me!! Who's your daddy?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decompose, #digits, #million dollars, #planned obsolescene, #upgarde, #upgrade now, #version, #newest software

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Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "For only a million dollars, you can upgrade to our newest software version." The salesman continues, "Or you can slowly decompose in the miasma of our planned obsolescence." Dilbert says, "We can't afford to upgrade now." The salesman holds up a device and replies, "Say goodbye to the digits three and nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #25 million dolalrs, #rat hole, #ride into space, #russian rocket, #poor, #rocket

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A man carrying a bag of money approaches the "Rat Hole." He says to Dogbert, "I can't decide if I should throw 25 million dollars down a rat hole or..." The man continues, "... Buy a ride into space on a Russian rocket ship." The man is throwing his money into the hole. Dogbert asks, "What about the poor?" The man replies, "Do they have a rocket?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting irregularities, #five year plan, #five years ago, #investigated, #prophetic, #5 year assessment

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I found or five-year plan from five years ago." The Boss continues, "The last page says, "At the end of the fifth year, the entire management team will be..." The Boss continues to read, "... investigated for accounting irregularities." Wally looks at the secret service agent who has just entered and says, "Spooky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #30 thousand employees, #emails jokes per week, #file bankruptcy, #lost prodcutivity, #ten million, #holding employee responsible

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Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, our records show that you forward an average of nineteen e-mail jokes per week." Catbert continues, "Each joke goes to 30,000 employees, costing us ten million per year in lost productivity." Catbert concludes, "We plan to blame you when we file for bankruptcy next week." Tina is visibly worried.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fix interface, #million dollars, #close eyes, #wish hard, #saving

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "We can fix our incomprehensible user interface for a million dollars." Dilbert continues, "Or we can close our eyes and wish real hard that our users won't care." The Boss closes his eyes and wishes real hard. Wally turns to Alice and says, "He's saving a million dollars. What did you do today?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfect world, #eight months, #incompetence multiplier, #lying weasel factor

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Dilbert points to a screen that says, 'Schedule 8 Months." Dilbert says, "In a perfect world, the project would take eight months." Dilbert points to another screen and says, "But based on past projects in this company, I applied a 1.5 incompetence multiplier." Dilbert continues, "And then I applied an L.W.F. of 6.3." The Boss asks, "L.W.F?" Alice answers, "Lying Weasel Factor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #smashed pay, #share the pain, #six million to four, #sandwich bag underwear, #intern is poor

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The Boss says to Asok and Dilbert, "Our CEO has voluntarily slashed his pay from six million per year to four." The Boss continues, "In a written statement he said he wants to 'share the pain.' The Boss asks, "Do you feel better now?" Asok replies, "I make my own underwear from sandwich bags."