Low Cost Comic Strips - Page 11

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276 Results for Low Cost

View 101 - 110 results for low cost comic strips. Discover the best "Low Cost" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman

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Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #cost estimates, #eyebrwo, #ghost, #recognize ghost, #helpful, #how to kill, #garlic and shopvac

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A man says, "Alice, when will I get your cost estimates?" Alice says, "When will your one eyebrow turn into two?" The man says, "Is that the ghost of the guy who used to have your job? He makes you look bad because he was always helpful." Alice says, "If you're so helpful, tell me how to kill you." The ghost says, "Dang... try garlic and a shop-vac."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #health problems, #absenteeism, #raise, #avoid exercise

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Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #retirement plans, #for losers, #winners keep jobs, #no stress, #free coffee, #cost estimates, #worthless leech

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Asok says, "Wally, what do you plan to do after you retire?" Wally says, "Retirement is for losers, Asok." Wally says, "Winners keep their jobs but stop caring about the quality of their work." Wally says, "I have no stress, free coffee, and I get paid, too." Wally says, "Watch how this works." Ted says, "Wally, can you give me some cost estimates for my project?" Wally says, "I'm too busy. Ask Dilbert." Asok says, "Doesn't this make you a worthless leech on society?" Wally says, "I'm pretty sure the winner in that example is the leech."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #workplace rumours, #idiot, #false rumor, #charging for rumors

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Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #capital cost, #estimates, #clarify, #ruin the system

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Wally, do yuo have the capital cost estimates I asked for last week? Wally: No, I always ask you to clarify what you need. You say you'll get back to me but you never do. The Boss: Maybe I could clarify it now. Wally: That would ruin my system.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #archaic sayings, #bite the hand, #cost of measuring, #direct deposit, #measuring incorrectly, #rock carving, #software development, #web design, #wise sayings

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The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dating, #advice from dog, #pick up line, #ultimate pick up line, #criticism completes me, #low self esteem, #woman responds, #relationships

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Dilbert: I'm going to a singles mixer tonight. Do you have any advice? Dogbert: Don't I always?" "It's all about knowing what a woman needs. Find a woman who looks hot, carve her out from the herd and read this. Dilbert: What is it?" Dogbert: It's the ultimate pick up line. Dilbert: Um...Hi. Excuse me. Criticism completes me. woman: He's a keeper.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2007's comic on:


Tags #tech writer, #salary, #number of pages, #high volume, #low quality, #hairball, #pocket, #money

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Tina the tech writer The Boss: "I decided to base your salary on the number of pages you write." Tina: "Fine. I'll give you a high volume of low quality work." The Boss: "Sometimes the best you can do is move the hairball to another pocket."