Lying Comic Strips - Page 11

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159 Results for Lying

View 101 - 110 results for lying comic strips. Discover the best "Lying" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #practice, #productive, #professional, #vacation

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Dilbert says, "I'm in charge while our pointy-haired boss is on vacation." Dilbert says, "I expect each of you to be professional and productive during this time." Wally says, "Nice lying." Dilbert says, "I practiced in front of a mirror."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss takes credit, #self loathing, #blame, #taking credit, #desparate, #good idea, #bad idea

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CEO: Who thought of this idea? The Boss: I came up with it all by myself. My subordinates, who have a healthy fear of losing their jobs, had nothing to do with it. Right? Wally: We're not worth the oxygen we breathe. Dilbert: I don't even know why I'm here. CEO: I asked because it's an awful idea. The Boss: You said I was stealing credit for a good idea, you lying liar!! CEO: Oh, wait. I read it wrong. This is actually a great idea. The Boss: Thanks. I know it was a winner when I thought of Dilbert: You gave him a good idea? Wally: Not intentionally. It must have been a typo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aligns with priorities, #budget, #lying, #priorities, #questiong

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The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Asok, I need you to create a PowerPoint presentation that will save our department from being eliminated." "You must quantify the unquantifiable. And that can only be done by a process that I call lying." "Lying is a process?" "It can be, if you use enough slides."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hired abusive, #lying, #control freak, #difficult coworkers

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"I hired an abusive, lying, back-stabbing, control freak." "But don't worry, because I'm sending you to a class on how to deal with difficult coworkers." "Wouldn't it have been better to..." "I've heard bad things about that guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #liar, #bottle, #voice, #still lying, #dead and lying, #voice only

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The Cremated Habitual Liar" Liar: "I'm learning to salsa dance in here." Alice: "YOu are not sala dancing! You have not body." Liar: "Tell that to my dance instructor." "Focus!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stress free, #unrealistic beliefs, #people care, #stapler, #steal, #coworkers, #budget numbers, #lying, #briefcase, #coffe cup

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Asok: Wally how can you be so stress free? Wally: Its quite simple. Stress is caused by an unrealistic belief that people care about you, I, on the other hand expect pope to be like me. Lets visit ted and I'll show you how this works. Ted, do you have the budget numbers that you promised me? Thats next on my to-do lit. While he was lying to me, I told his stapler, so I came out a head. He forgot his mug, Im going to sip that puppy into my briefcase.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee attitude survey, #bigger bonuses, #happy, #money, #lie, #no lying, #surveys, #science, #new couch

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The Boss: Our bonuses will depend on the results of the employee attitude survey. If we boost our morale rank, we'll get bigger bonuses. get it? all you have to do is say you're happy and you get money. wink wink wink Dilbert: you want us to lie? No-o-o-o! Heaven forbid, absolutely no lying, But if you did lie, Imagine the things you could buy with that money, I'll hand out the surveys and you can let your conscience guide you. Dilbert: Is "para dise too over the top? Wally: Im going to lie me up a new couch!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiate sale, #voice activated hassock business, #no lying, #plenty of ommissions, #tactical ignorance

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The Boss: "I want you to negotiate the sale of our voice activated hassock business." "You're not allowed to lie, but I expect plenty of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations..." "...Unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas and tactical ignorance. Oh, and say that we have other offers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting with boss, #stretch first, #limber, #muscles, #strain something, #stretch

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The boss: Im going to a meeting with my boss. Carol: did you stretch first? Carol: you need to limber up your lying muscles or you'll stain something. Really? Things are going that well?/! Didn't stretch.