Need To Act Comic Strips - Page 11

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1000 Results for Need To Act

View 101 - 110 results for need to act comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Act" comics from Dilbert.com.

Parody Or Real

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Parody Or Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags joke, sarcasm, technology, boss, business, department, proposal, reality, parody, inversion

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dilbert: ever since the parody inversion, no one can tell the difference between jokes and reality boss: i need you to get buy-in on this proposal from all thirteen department heads by tomorrow wally: was that real or parody? dilbert: i think they're the same now

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Food Poisoning

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Food Poisoning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, office, health, Food, poison, work, potluck

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boss: everyone who went to the potluck got food poisoning. i need you to do all their work while they are out sick. dilbert: were there leftovers? boss: there might be dilbert: can i have a plate?

Curse Of Competence

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Curse Of Competence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, employees, office workers, problem, sarcasm, condescending

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Man: I need your help solving a software problem on my computer. Dilbert: Why am I cursed with the sort of competence that makes me a servant to the incapable? Man: I don't know what that means. Dilbert: If you did, you could probably fix your own problems.

Read The Manual

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Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, employees, frustrated, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology

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Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.

Bad Attitude

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Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, complaining, employees, obliviousness, attitude

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Catbert: I need to talk to you about your bad attitude. Dilbert: I'm surrounded by useless idiots, and I work in a fabric-covered box. How can I have a good attitude? Catbert: Oh, good. I was hoping it would be something I couldn't fix.

More Communication

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More Communication - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, communication, confused, distraction, irony, managers & supervisors

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Boss: What we need in this office is more communication and fewer distractions. Dilbert: Your goals are mutually exclusive. If you communicate more, you'll be distracting us more. Boss: Now I've lost my train of thought. Dilbert: Did my communication distract you?

Scourge Of Teamwork

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Scourge Of Teamwork - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, insults, office workers, work, teams

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Man: Do you need any help on your project? Dilbert: No, I try to avoid the scourge of teamwork when-ever possible. Man: Isn't there any way I can be of service? Dilbert: Maybe you could offer to help someone I hate.

Centralizing The Decentralized

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Centralizing The Decentralized - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, value

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Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.

Wally Covers For Boss

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Wally Covers For Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, managers & supervisors, motivation, vacations

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Boss: I need you to fill in for me while I'm on vacation. I would have asked someone competent, but they're all on vacation next week, too. Please don't destroy the entire company. Wally: Do I seem that motivated?

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. - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, managers & supervisors, office workers, sabotage

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Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.