New Plan Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Plan

View 101 - 110 results for new plan comic strips. Discover the best "New Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Statue In The Lobby

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Statue In The Lobby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #the boss, #criminal, #tech support, #darned, #good, #report

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Where's the career criminal I hired to do tech support? He was last seen talking to you. Alice: Rumor has it that someone murdered him, covered him in with-out and tried to pass him off as a statue in the lobby. Dilbert: I would report this if it did't look so darned good here.

View more books now

Compared To What

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compared To What - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #referee, #terrible, #compared, #imagine, #penalty, #flag, #incorrect, #duh

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, the meeting referee. Man: Your plan is terrible. Dilbert: Compared to what? Man: Compared to the plan I imagine could exist, but doesn't. Duh. Dogbert: Penalty flag for incorrect us of "duh."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #Dilbert, #internet, #jerry, #tweet, #weasel

View Transcript

Transcript

Jerry: Omg! You are soooo wrong! I literally cannot believe you are this gullible. Hahahahaha! Hahahaha! I can't wait to tweet about your stupidity. Your dumbness will live forever on the internet! Dilbert: You probably haven't seen the new data that proves I'm right. Will you apologize like a decent human being or will you move the goalposts claim victory. And trash my name like a demented weasel? Jerry: Can you tell me more about the weasel option?

Candor Monster

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Candor Monster - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!

Radical Candor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Radical Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #management, #radical condor, #time, #computer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #google, #data center, #software, #fix, #agile

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Introducing The New Hire

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Introducing The New Hire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #new hire, #names, #introduction

View Transcript

Transcript

The New Hire New Hire: Can you take me around the office and introduce me? The Boss: No, that scheme won't work because it requires me to admit I don't know most of their names. New Hire: What's my name? The Boss: Um... Does it start with a letter?

History Doesn't Repeat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
History Doesn't Repeat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ted, #plan, #solution, #thinking, #history, #new

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your plan is dumb because it reminds me of something different that didn't work out. Dilbert: Being reminded of unrelated things is not a form of thinking. Ted: History repeats. Dilbert: Then how does something new ever happen?

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #coffee machine, #artificial intelligence, #robots, #engineering, #scared

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

Grant Application

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Grant Application - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #job description, #responsibility, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.