New Thoughts Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Thoughts

View 101 - 110 results for new thoughts comic strips. Discover the best "New Thoughts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nimble, #agile, #logic, #questioning, #strategy, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our strategy is to be nimble and agile. Dilbert: Do other companies have a strategy of being clumsy and slow? Catbert: How'd the new strategy rollout go? Boss: They ruined it with questions.

Ted Cross Trains

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Cross Trains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cross-training, #fired, #firing, #unemployment

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #procrastination, #work ethic, #excuses, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?

How Dare You

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Dare You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offended, #offense, #accusation, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My new defense against every accusation is to be offended by the question. Dilbert: That works? Wally: Depends how hard I sell it. Woman: Why haven't you returned any of my emails? Wally: How dare you!

Boiling An Ocean

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boiling An Ocean - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compliment, #backhanded compliment, #insult, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!

Deducing Rank

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Deducing Rank - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hierarchy, #rank, #marketing, #jargon, #lingo, #adspeak, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?

To Do List

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
To Do List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #to-do list, #list, #task, #stress, #assignments

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'd better make a list of all the things I need to do today. Narrator: Eight hours later. Dilbert: I have 347 urgent tasks, and I add about seven new ones each day. I'll cross "make a to-do list" off my to-do list and call it a day.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sociopath, #obliviousness, #tell-all

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a new tell-all book about our company. CEO: How bad is it? Dilbert: It's bad. Anonymous sources within the company say you're a "raging sociopath with the intellect of a clam." CEO: Put out a press release denying those lies! Dilbert: That's going to be tricky to write. CEO: Just say I deny being a sociopath with the mind of a clam. Also say I hope whoever said that about me dies a slow and terrible death. Is that clear? Dilbert: Yes, on many levels.

Alice Mentors The New Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Mentors The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mentor, #mentee, #competition, #threat, #paranoia, #protege

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: our boss asked me to mentor you. But don't expect too much from me because I see you as a competitor for my job. Man: May I have a mentor who doesn't see me as a threat? Boss: Why? So you can take my job?