Nonexistent Job Comic Strips - Page 11
897 Results for Nonexistent Job
View 101 - 110 results for nonexistent job comic strips. Discover the best "Nonexistent Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share November 10, 2016's comic on:
Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.
Share October 16, 2016's comic on:
Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.
Share October 06, 2016's comic on:
Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.
Share October 03, 2016's comic on:
Share September 30, 2016's comic on:
Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.
Share September 29, 2016's comic on:
Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?
Share September 25, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: I need some mentoring. Boss: This is awkward. On one hand, helping you would make me appear wise and generous. On the other hand, it would make you a more credible threat to take my job. I see you as more of an adversary than a subordinate. That's why I withhold vital information that you need to do your job. I've already said too much. Wally: Did you learn anything? Dilbert: Yes, unfortunately.
Share September 18, 2016's comic on:
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
Share September 17, 2016's comic on:
Alan, From Quality Assurance. Boss: Is it true that the only thing you have been doing is assuring people we have quality? Alan: I don't like to tel people how to do their jobs. Boss: Telling people how to do their jobs is literally your job. Alan: In that case, stop doing all of this.