One Over Par Comic Strips - Page 11
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boss: our internal audit found that you violated over four hundred company rules in the past year. dilbert: i'm also the only employee who accomplished anything last year. now connect the dots. boss: so you're saying we need more rules.
tina: i can't be your friend because i saw a disturbing photo of you on social media. you were in a group photo with a person whose opinions i abhor. dilbert: can you explain why that makes me a bad person? tina: sure. duh. when you appear in photos with other people, you acquire their bad characteristics. dilbert: i don't think that's how it works. tina: that's exactly how it works! one photo with a jerk makes you a jerk! case closed! dilbert taking selfie with Tina in background: smile. tina upset: no-ooo!!!
boss: how's your project going? dilbert: it was doing fine until a thick wave of stupidity swept over it and extinguished my spark of divinity. i don't know what will become of me. boss: i'll transfer you to marketing. they're all like that.
boss: we canceled the meeting because we couldn't find a time for the pre-meeting to prepare for the meeting. dilbert: doesn't the pre-meeting need it's own pre-meeting? boss: good point. dilbert: sarcasm and reality have become one.
tina: i have something funny to show you. just give me a minute to find it on my phone. dilbert thinking: what's the protocol in this situation? should i just sit here and stare at her pawing at her phone? i can't talk because she's focused on her task. and it would be rude to walk away. would it be an insult to look at my own phone and mentally check out from this useless interaction? tina: ah! i found it! dilbert: okay, good. tina: wait, that's not the right one. dilbert: is this why people fake their own deaths?
magazine salesman: our publication is considering naming your company one of the best places to work. on a totally unrelated topic, our sales team will be contacting you about buying lots and lots of advertisements. boss: and if we don't? magazine salesman: who would want to work at a company that makes such bad decisions?
alice: can you mentor me? boss: heck, no. you're only one promotion away from competing for my job. alice: well, maybe you could just stop thwarting my career? boss: no, same issue.
tina: i hear we are not allowed to work from home because it doesn't satisfy your sick need to wield power over us in person. boss: that's not fair. tina: is it accurate? boss: let's stick with "not fair."