Problems In Dept Comic Strips - Page 11
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View 101 - 110 results for problems in dept comic strips. Discover the best "Problems In Dept" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 11, 2005's comic on:
"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."
Share October 17, 2005's comic on:
Our shareholders are suing us for misleading them about our financial problems. "Since when is it illegal to shaft innocent people for personal gain?" "Don't put that in the minutes." "I'll see what I can do."
Share August 23, 2005's comic on:
The Boss: "I've decided to standardize the department on a new programming language." Dilbert: "With all due respect, that sort of decision should be made by someone who knows his mass from a black hole." Dilbert: "The vendor warned me that you couldn't be objective."
Share July 17, 2005's comic on:
"This budget would only work if the project encountered no problems whatsoever." "So?" "All projects have unexpected problems. Therefore, this budget is almost certainly wrong." "Leaders do not plan for failure." "Do leaders make deceptive forecasts and later act shocked when things don't work out?" "No." "A leader first makes himself believe the lie, thus turning deception into an inspiring form of optimism. Observe." "GAAA!!! BELIEVE! BELIEVE!" "The swelling will go down in a few hours. Then we'll have a perfect budget." "What?"
Share March 28, 2005's comic on:
Dogbert: All of your problems are caused by emotionally unstable coworkers. "Try prescribing meds from the internet to fix their defects." Dilbert: Okay. That one was the wrong choice. Let's try something else." The Boss: "GRRRR!"
Share March 04, 2005's comic on:
In Elbonia Wally: "I'm from America and I'm here to fix all of your problems." Elbonians: "Your arrogance is offensive. We will form an armed resistance and right you to the end of time!" Wally: "Um... Why?" Elbonians: "It's just something we do."
Share February 20, 2005's comic on:
Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."
Share November 28, 2004's comic on:
"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."
Share October 19, 2004's comic on:
Dilbert: I've noticed that all my problems are caused by other people. Dilbert: Ive noticed that all of my problems are caused by other people. Yet ut seen sos unlikely that other people would cause me so much discomfort while i never bother anyone. Is it possible that Im oblivious to my effect on others? dogcart: ZZZZZ
Share September 21, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: The company will be holding a series of brown bag seminars on corporate ethics. Dilbert:is it ethical to steal our lunch hour and pretend that the ethics problems sent come from our executives? The Boss: I wouldn't know because I haven't taken the seminar.