Punch More Comic Strips - Page 11

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976 Results for Punch More

View 101 - 110 results for punch more comic strips. Discover the best "Punch More" comics from Dilbert.com.

Rather Eat Garbage

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Rather Eat Garbage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #choices, #boredom, #listening, #trash, #garbage, #suffering

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Wally: Would you rather eat garbage or listen to our boss talk about his weekend? Dilbert: I'd have to know more about the garbage to make that decision. Wally: Let's say it's mostly kitchen stuff. Dilbert: Am I eating it from the can or fighting birds for it?

Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots

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Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fair, #fairness, #wages, #equality, #worth, #money

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Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.

New Hire Makes More

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New Hire Makes More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #salary, #compensation, #fairness, #negotiation, #confrontation, #money

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Dilbert: I just found out that the new hire makes more than I do. Boss: It isn't my fault that you're a terrible negotiator. Dilbert: I don't like confrontation. Boss: I know. It saves me a lot of money. Shoo!

Coaching Ted

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Coaching Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quitting, #fired, #annoy, #irritate, #drive away, #repel

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Boss: Ted, you have not performed up to my expectations, so I thought I would spend more time coaching you. I'll be with you every minute of the day. Ted: I quit! Catbert: I told you that would work. Boss: I didn't want to believe it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology

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Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business

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Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.

Naming The Spaceship

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Naming The Spaceship - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #naming, #space, #space flight, #rocket, #engineering, #failure, #death, #medical

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Ted: I'm looking for a name for the spaceship that I designed. Dilbert: How about "Death Tube?" Alice: "Space Debris?" Wally: "Final Resting Place?" Ted: I was hoping for something more positive. Voice: We're positive it will explode.

Asok Kills The Wrong Cartoonist

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Asok Kills The Wrong Cartoonist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Garfield, #hit man, #cartoonist, #mistaken identity

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Asok: I killed our spokesperson, Jim Davis, yesterday, as you ordered. Boss: You killed the wrong cartoonist! Asok: Now I hate Mondays even more.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

Alice Takes On More Work

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Alice Takes On More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #workload, #philosophy, #semantics

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Alice: Why do I keep taking on more work while you do noting? Wally: That's because you optimize for productivity, while I optimize for my happiness. Alice: That makes you a freeloader. Wally: I prefer the label "happy winner."