Raise Comic Strips - Page 11
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Character
202 Results for Raise
View 101 - 110 results for raise comic strips. Discover the best "Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 16,
2007
Tags highest raise, exceed expectations, thought possible, goals higher, incompetent, setting goals, maximum achievement, choices
Transcript
"The Boss: I can't give you the highest raise because you didn't exceed expectations." Dilbert: "If you thought it was possible for me to exceed my expectations, you would have set the goals higher." "So there are only two possibilities here." "Either you are incompetent at setting goals..." "Or I attained the maximum possible achievement and I deserve the maximum raise." "Which is it?" The Boss: "Can I hear those two choices again?"
Saturday November 24,
2007
Tags cansisate, resume, spelling errors, hire a moron, poor perfromance, bigger reaise, interview skills, crazy good, manipulate, job interview
Transcript
Dilbert: "Your resume is riddled with spelling errors. Why should we hire a moron?" Candidate: "My poor performance would make you look good in comparison. you'll get a bigger raise if I work here." The boss: "What do you think of him?" Dilbert: "Well, his interview skills are crazy good."
Tuesday November 13,
2007
Tags useless, mit degree, engineering, easier, raise
Transcript
The boss: "I don't understand anything you do, so I assume it's all useless." Dilbert: "Maybe you could go to M.I.T. and get a degree in engineering so you would understand what I do." The boss: "Would that be easier than not giving you a raise?"
Tuesday October 16,
2007
Tags 20% raise, two flat screens, monitors, evil genius, second monitor
Transcript
Dilbert: "My pay is below market. Can I have a 20% raise?" The Boss: "No, but I'll let you use two flat screen monitors in your cubicle so it feels like you're an evil genius in a secret lair." "Bu-Wa-HAHA!" Wally: "Who got a second monitor?"
Sunday August 26,
2007
Tags no rasie, oo many questions, can't do job, saved emails, policies and procedures, misperception, buy software, permission, emails, another question
Transcript
The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."
Sunday July 22,
2007
Tags use old technology, get funded, raise issue, any issues, old technology, works fine, new technology buggy
Transcript
Alice: Our pointy-haired boss is insisting we use old technology because he thinks it will be easier to get it funded. "You should raise that issue at the meeting." "We'll back you up." Dilbert: "Absolutely." The Boss: "Are there any issues?" Asok: "You're making us use old technology just to make your job easier." "Does anyone else think that?" "No." "No." "No." "The old technology works fine." "New technology is too buggy." "What was that?!!" "It's just something we do."
Sunday July 15,
2007
Tags unqualified, position, job, higher salray, negotiate riase, irrational dipwad, easily manipulated, bogus compariosns, illusion of scaricity, can't have you, desparate to hire, rationalizations, total lack of qaulifications, write the offer, business
Transcript
"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."
Wednesday June 13,
2007
Tags passion for job, ceo's visit, meeting, condescending, rented mules, intimidate, corproartions, afford luxury items, ping pong table, no raise, offend, belitte, pay dosparity, slavery, business
Transcript
CEO Visit CEO: "It's important that you have a passion for your job." "For example, my passion involves working you like rented mules so I can afford to purchase luxury items." "I bought a ping-pong table with the raise you didn't get."

