Report To Alice Comic Strips - Page 11

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1000 Results for Report To Alice

View 101 - 110 results for report to alice comic strips. Discover the best "Report To Alice" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Gives Honest Opinion

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Alice Gives Honest Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #honest opinion, #monkey vomit, #rescind, #request

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The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!

Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs

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Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #flirting, #implementation, #new rules, #shoulder rub, #sock collar, #team spirit

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CEO: Hey, Alice. Let me give you a shoulder rub in the name of team spirit. CEO: AAAAGH!!! Alice: click CEO: I hate having a court - ordered shock collar. The boss: I don't see a...oh.

Employee Body Cams

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Employee Body Cams  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #against ceo, #misinterpret warmness, #record interactions, #sexual harrasment, #wear body cams, #complaints

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The Boss: we've had seven hundred complaints about sexual harassment in the past month. From now on, employees must wear body cams to r record every interaction. Alice: Weren't all of this e complaints against our CEO? The boss: People misinterpret his warmness.

Pretending To Be Helpful

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 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #insulting, #coworkers, #consultation, #indirect, #pretend, #helpful, #grammar, #slide deck

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Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

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 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

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DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report

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Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #evidence, #excuses, #hackers, #hacking, #laziness, #assignment, #elbonians, #a, #zing report

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Boss: Did you finish your assignment? Wally: Yes, but Elbonian hackers deleted my report along with all of my backups. Boss: I have no way of knowing that's true. Wally: It was an amazing report! Better than you've ever seen.

Elbonian Virus Infects Mission Statement

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Elbonian Virus Infects Mission Statement  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #virus, #hack, #infection, #computer, #spelling, #grammar, #edit, #improvement, #technology

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Dilbert: The Elbonian virus scrambled our mission statement into nonsense. Alice: No, that's our actual mission statement. Dilbert: Why does it look so different? Alice: The virus fixed the grammar and punctuation.

Elbonians Hackers Get Into Network

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Elbonians Hackers Get Into Network - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #hacker, #hacking, #malware, #virus, #infection, #cyber security, #obliviousness, #password

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Boss: Elbonian hackers got into our network. We don't know how. Dilbert: Maybe it was the thumb drive you found on the sidewalk in front of our entrance. Alice: Or maybe it was because your password is "password." Boss: How do you know my password?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Boss Ends Neural Interface

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Boss Ends Neural Interface  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #amnesia, #forgetting, #memory loss

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Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.