Researching Every State Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for researching every state comic strips. Discover the best "Researching Every State" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #laziness, #managers & supervisors, #famous leaders, #copy, #16 hrs a day, #reading about industry, #leaders eat cake, #business

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Dogbert: I have studied the practices of famous leaders so you can copy them. First, work sixteen hours every day. Boss & CEO: Sixteen hours?? Dogbert: And in your spare time, you should be reading about your industry to stay current. Boss & CEO: Reading??? Dogbert: Oookay. This isn't working. Suppose I told you that famous leaders eat a lot of cake? That took a creepy turn.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #sales personnel, #linux, #million dollars, #pay for upgrade, #away for free

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Dogbert: I'll sell you the rights to use Linux for one million dollars. After the first month, you only need to pay for every upgrade. Boss: It sounds too good to be true. Dogbert: It's not as if I'm giving it away for free.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #burglars & robbers, #frustration, #lab, #stealing back cables, #worse problem, #boss, #adds fuel to fire

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Dilbert: Every time I leave the lab, some jerk steals my cables and replaces them with their bad ones. Then I have to spend hours stealing back one cable at a time and testing each one. Boss: Doesn't that make you one of the cable-stealing jerks? Dilbert: You've never met a problem you couldn't worsen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #magic, #thinking, #already exits, #morphic field, #pseudo scinec, #crappy genes, #filberts mother, #explains things

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Dilbert: Every time I think I've invented something, I find out it already exists. Mombert: Maybe that's because all minds are connected by the morphic field. Dilbert: Morphic fields are pseudoscience, mom. Mombert: I also blame your dad's crappy genes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #avarice, #executives, #products decline, #amrketing, #improving, #huge raises, #money

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Boss: Our products are getting worse every day. But our marketing keeps improving. We're very close to the point where our customers will give us money for no reason. Then we can give ourselves huge raises and do no work at all. CEO: I like everything you said, except the "we" part.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2013's comic on:


Tags #build hyperloop, #connect every city, #fast transportaion, #vision, #pat back

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CEO: Build a hyperloop to connect every major city in the world with super-fast transportation. The vision was the hard part. You idiots can work on the details. Someone pat me on the back. I can't reach it with my T-rex arms.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #depression (mental state), #inventions, #self worth, #doubt, #microwave, #machine language, #kill me, #beep

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Robot: You keep giving me trivial assignments that make me doubt my self-worth. Boss: Chill out. You don't hear the microwave whining all day long. Robot: He doesn't know that the machine word for "Please kill me is 'Beep.'" Microwave: Beep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #natural disasters, #disaster preparedness, #famine, #keyboard, #crumbs, #alene invasion, #kill a coworker, #lizard people, #impending collison, #asteroid, #running in place, #earth rotates, #planet, #hit by asteroid, #human flesh, #presentation is a disater

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Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #pessimism, #telephones, #collaboration tools, #trying to accomplish, #bad acoustics, #speaker phones, #randomly agreed, #better than expected, #crime not committed

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Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #discussion, #how-to, #obstinacy, #rules of leadership, #context, #books, #different approach, #real leaders, #magic formula, #gullible baboon, #throughout history, #random book, #Entertainment

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Boss: I'm reading a great management book about the rules of leadership. Dilbert: Allow me to put that in context. There are probably 10,000 books about leadership, and each one has a different approach. And there are millions of real leaders, of which no two are alike. Moreover, every situation is unique and requires a different type of leader. And yet this one author has found a magic formula to transform you from a gullible baboon into a great leader. And that makes sense because all great leaders throughout history achieved success by reading a random book. Boss: I don't like context. Dilbert: It isn't popular.