Sell Product Line Comic Strips - Page 11

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617 Results for Sell Product Line

View 101 - 110 results for sell product line comic strips. Discover the best "Sell Product Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoy people, frustration, packaging, product design, sadism, software, torture, product code, engineering

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Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: The main goal of product design is to annoy people for no reason. We'll start by making so much extra packaging that you need to rent a truck just to haul it away. Voice: We sell software. Man: I found the product code for downloading the software!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, ceos, raise, asking for a raise, compensation, money, wages, comparison, wage discrepancy, mansion

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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags design, evil, frustration, product designer, torture, hate people, styrofoam debris, invisible buttons

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Dogbert: I decided to become a product designer because I hate people. I will fill every package with styrofoam debris and affix hard-to-remove stickers all over the cases. I'll make the buttons invisible by making them black on a black surface. Ha ha ha! Dilbert: I've always wondered how this stuff happens.

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

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Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business, criminals, user interface, software, lower tax rate, engineering

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Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

Free Will Is An Illusion

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Free Will Is An Illusion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, free will, robot, robotics, technology, emotionally manipulate, cloud connected, control humans

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Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.

The Evil Robot Business

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The Evil Robot Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, ceo, evil, executives, robot, sell robots, manipulate owners, titanium bolts

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Pointy-Haired Boss Becomes CEO. Boss: We're going into the evil robot business. We'll sell robots that psychologically manipulate their owners into buying unnecessary upgrades. Evil Robot: Your neighbor got titanium bolts for his robot. I guess that's what winners do. But your way is good, too.

Blist Point For 3 D Goggles

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Blist Point For 3 D Goggles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer retention, death, immersive technology, moratlity, technology, virtual reality, immersive 3d head gear, starved, bliss point, medical

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Dilbert: We found the "bliss point" for immersive 3-D headgear. The product is so good that 87% of our customers starved to death while using it. CEO: We never get the customer retention part right.

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bidding, executives, lying, outsourcing, projects, winning bid, good news, secretly subcontract, scream, presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags capitalism, cruelty, executives, industry & manufacturing, manufacturing, meat, announcements, artificial meat prodcut, automated robots, senior management, manufacturing employees, engineering

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CEO: The company has two exciting announcements. We are launching a new artificial meat product. In unrelated news, our manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots. Wow. It got quiet in here. Dilbert: I don't want to say we have no trust in senior management, but... did you order the robots to kill all of the manufacturing employees and turn them into a meat product? CEO: Before I answer that, can we agree that capitalism has some rough edges?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceos, leadership, obliviousness, public speaking, media, zero sales, staff resigned, fireing, wisdom, Entertainment

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Catbert: Our sales dropped to zero because you told the media we have a better product coming soon. And 95% of the staff resigned because you announced plans to fire 50% of them. Maybe it would be better if you never spoke to anyone again. CEO: How would people get my wisdom.