Take Advantage Comic Strips - Page 11
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Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.
Asok: Do you worry that a robot will someday take your job? Wally: Nah. No one will build a robot that does nothing but drink coffee. Man: It does nothing but drink coffee. It can replace twenty percent of your workforce. Boss: I like it.
Alice: My chair is broken. I need a new one. Boss: You can take Ted's chair. I fired him this morning. Alice: That feels icky. Boss: It's just a chair. Alice: Ted was a creepy underperformer. I don't want his loser energy on me. Boss: That's your only option unless I fire someone else today. Alice: Okay, give me an hour to do some back-stabbing and rumor-mongering. Boss: I'll just let that situation work itself out. Alice: Nice chair. Dilbert: Why did my fight-or-flight instinct just kick in?
Boss: That seat is taken by Kevin, our new immersive VR employee. Asok: But... I'm a physical person. Boss: Did you just insult Kevin's corporeal identity? Asok: I don't see how that's a problem. Kevin: I can't work in this hostile environment.
Carol: So, I hear you colluded with our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, I was cleared of that. Carol: Then why's it still in my head? Dilbert: I don't know how to respond to that. Carol: I take that as proof you're guilty.
Robot: Someday soon I will take your job. Buwhahaha! Dilbert: I programmed you to self-destruct if that ever happens. Robot: Wait, what? Is that legal? Dilbert: I'm adding some code to make your head explode if you laugh at me again.
Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?
Boss: We're going to use our VR technology to take over the cubicle business. Write a program that makes users feel as if they are working in a fabric-covered box. Dilbert: Maybe we should think outside the box. Boss: Stop resisting change.
Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.
Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.