Taking Chance Comic Strips - Page 11

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208 Results for Taking Chance

View 101 - 110 results for taking chance comic strips. Discover the best "Taking Chance" comics from Dilbert.com.

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I got a stomach-ache during my vacation day so I'm changing it to a sick day. "Apparently there's a biological limit to how many potato chips I can eat in a 24-hour period." "And I'm taking tomorrow as a sick day too. I still have eight bags left."

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We can't start designing the product until someone tells us what features it should have. "That's like saying you can't play on the beach until you know how many grains of sand there are." "Um...I don't think it's very much like that." "Analogy police. Come with me." "Are you taking me to jail for making a bad analogy?" "The analogy police don't use a real jail. We use something similar." "You'll be here with this beautiful woman." "Really? That's not so bad." "She's the one being punished." "Your necktie is like Hitler at an ice rink."

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"I have a job offer from another company, but I'll give you a chance to buy my loyalty." "Now I just sit back and let the loving begin." "And his opening offer is..." "That's right: Whack him in the parking lot."

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Tags #absent monded, #cauliflower, #replace brain, #specialist, #untested, #worth a cahnce

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"I'm referring you to a specialist who can treat your absent-mindedness." "His method is untested, but I think it's worth a chance." "You'll replace my brain with a cauliflower?" "They're just like brains, but much cheaper."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #minor success, #chance corporate ruination

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The project has a 70% chance of minor success and a 30% chance of corporate ruination. The Boss: I like those odds. when can we start. Dilbert: Start? I wish we had ten more projects like this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #board meeting, #dipping employees, #varnish, #voted to fire you, #100 million, #1 million year

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Ratbert the CEO "The board has learned that you've been dipping employees in varnish and using them as office furniture." "We voted to fire you. Your severence package includes $100 million, the corporate jet, perpetual benefits and a salary of $1 million per year." "Bu-ya!" "He's taking it well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no budget, #no staff, #wits and computer, #wits, #pencil

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Dilbert: "I might have no budget and no staff to help me on my project, but that doesn't matter." "Because all I need are my wits and my computer." The Boss: "My computer is too slow. I'm taking yours." Dilbert: "My wits and... this pencil." The boss: "Hey, isn't that my pencil?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont worry, #high crime area, #experts assure you, #gange members, #exhautsed, #beat up

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CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teds shower, #baby shower, #taxes, #subsidize, #put five, #poor fiscal planning

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Carol: I'm collecting money for Ted's baby shower. Wally: "My taxes already subsidized his other brats. I'm taking a refund." Carol: "I just put that five in there!" Wally: "I can't be responsible for your poor fiscal planning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #extra luck, #less available, #albert einstein, #hero, #critic of war, #jeffrey dahmer, #lottery win

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"I have a job interview. Wish me luck." "No." "If you get extra luck then there might be less available for me." "I don't think it works that way." "I can't take that chance." "Tell me, Dilbert, who would you consider your hero?" "Albert Einstein." "That should be safe." "Oh, really? He was an outspoken critic of war. We design missle guidance systems." "How about Jeffrey Dahmer? No?" "I won the lottery!"