Three Hours Comic Strips - Page 11
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Wally: Asok, the key to winning at your job is the taper. Asok: Taper? Wally: At the start of any new job, you want to put in long hours and create a good first impression. Then you should start to gradually taper off your effort. But be sure you taper slowly. You don't want to be obvious. Boss: Wally, is it my imagination, or are you working slightly less every day? Wally: It only looks that way because I'm working smarter, not harder. Just the way you taught me. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Wally: Always keep that round in the chamber. Asok: You scare me, but in a good way.
Alice: I only slept three hours last night. Topper: That's nothing! I used kunk fu to divert an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Alice: Topping needs to be in the same category! Topper: Only if you're bad at it! Hoo-ha!
Tags #arguing, #email, #expectations, #logic, #sleep, #winning, #work ethic, #promptly respond, #employees, #necessary, #brain function, #succumbs to leadership, #dysfunctional moron, #confsuion, #win converstions, #ceo, #health, #business
CEO: You didn't promptly respond to my email last night. Dilbert: You sent that email at 1 a.m. CEO: I expect my employees to be checking email at all times. Dilbert: Sleep is necessary for normal brain function. Anyone who succumbs to your leadership on this topic will turn into a dysfunctional moron in 48 hours. CEO: I don't see where you're going with this. It's all so confusing to my brain. So tired... can't stay awake... Dilbert: I don't usually win conversations this decisively.
Coworker: Three months. That's how long I have been waiting for you to do your part of the project. Wally: Perhaps you don't realize how many projects I'm on. Coworker: Have you done any work for the other projects? Wally: That would defeat the point of having multiple projects.
Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!
Dilbert: Did you see the article on the Internet about the five signs you might be a bad boss? Boss: Yeah. About seventy people forwarded it to me. Dilbert: That was number three on the list. Boss: I didn't read it. Dilbert: That was number one.
Tags #cruelty, #leadership, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #choices, #bullying, #60 hour week, #fatique, #lower quality, #enlightened leader, #work fewer hours, #better outcome, #illusion, #created by underlings, #abuse, #pian, #enforcement, #business
Dilbert: You have an interesting choice today. You can continue bullying me into working sixty hours per week... while knowing that fatigue will lower the quality of my work. Or you can be an enlightened leader and encourage me to work fewer hours for a better net outcome. Boss: I'm not supposed to tell you this, but... leadership is an illusion created by the abuse of underlings. The more pain I force you to endure, the more of a leader I appear to be. How's the truth feel? Dilbert: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Boss: Your proposal with the three bullet points looks good to me. I'll ask my lawyers to turn it into an incomprehensible nine-page document that introduces complexity risks for... no... reason. Can I get back to you in the year 2018? Man: Stop making me cry!
Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.
Boss: We got Randy by buying his start-up. Randy, Dilbert will show you how to access our 45 hours of mandatory online training. Randy: I quit. Boss: Well, at least we still have his start-up. Dilbert: And all seven of its customers, too.