Totally Accurate Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

190 Results for Totally Accurate

View 101 - 110 results for totally accurate comic strips. Discover the best "Totally Accurate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #project not sexy, #transferring fnding, #arouses boss, #business school, #not covered

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Your project is not sexy." The Boss says, "I'm transferring all of your funding to a project that totally arouses me." The Boss says, "That's something they don't cover in business school."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #position eleiminated, #performance, #not told, #position, #no explination, #just a trick, #feel less awkward, #hot replacement

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Ted, your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "What? You never told me there was anything wrong with my performance!" The Boss says, "It's not about your performance. Your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "Well, that seems mighty convenient." Ted says, "This way you can replace me without explaining why I never got a bad performance review." Ted says, "is this just a trick to make you feel less awkward while firing me?" A woman says, "I thought you said he'd be gone by now." The Boss says, "Is there any comfort in knowing your replacement is totally hot?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2008's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #evaluate job applicants, #unqualified loser, #nailing it, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: "I like to use role play to evaluate job applicants." Pretend you're an unqualified loser. Wow. You're totally nailing it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2008's comic on:


Tags #accurate numbers, #more useful, #studies showed, #make up stats

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I didn't have any accurate numbers so I just made up this one."Dilbert says, "Studies have shown that accurate numbers aren't any more useful than the ones we make up."The Boss says, "How many studies showed that?" Dilbert says, "Eighty-seven."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #projects, #complete projects, #calculated risk, #tasks, #lateness irrelevant, #worst week, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"And Wally, did you finish your project tasks for today?" Wally: "No. I took a calculated risk that other people would not finish their tasks either, making my lateness totally irrelevant." "Um..." "That is the worst..." "I need another week."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #firing, #incompetent, #another job, #lack of training, #new job, #incompetence, #normal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #fired, #incompetent, #everything, #teach dilbert, #how to do your job

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Carl, I have to fire you." "You're totally incompetent at everything you do." "Before you go, I'd like you to teach Dilbert how to do your job."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2007's comic on:


Tags #firing, #let go, #no money, #budget, #typo, #request, #planning reward, #hard work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Ted, I have to let you go, but there's a good reason." "There's no money to pay your salary because I made a typo in my budget request." "Until then, I was totally planning to reward your hard work."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #unqualified, #position, #job, #higher salray, #negotiate riase, #irrational dipwad, #easily manipulated, #bogus compariosns, #illusion of scaricity, #can't have you, #desparate to hire, #rationalizations, #total lack of qaulifications, #write the offer, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career counselor, #no marketable talent, #keep positive, #not going to change, #unemployable

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, career counselor DOgbert: "You have no marketable talent." "You're totally unemployable and that's not going to change." "The important thing is to keep a positive attitude."