Urgent Looking Walk Comic Strips - Page 11

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528 Results for Urgent Looking Walk

View 101 - 110 results for urgent looking walk comic strips. Discover the best "Urgent Looking Walk" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monsters, #taxes, #tax code, #stanky, #monster, #tree deweller

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Dogbert: I'm looking for a monster named Stanky Bathurd. Monster: He's kind of busy rewriting the tax code to be more frustrating. Dogbert: I know. He hired me to help.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #mission, #vision, #core values, #no clear direction, #inappropriate websites

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Wally: Our mission, vision, strategy, road map, and core values are not aligned. So instead of flailing around with no clear direction, I plan to spend my days looking at inappropriate websites. Yesterday, when you said, "Bring me solutions, not problems," I hope you meant it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technological singularity, #robots, #program themsleves, #super intelligent species, #competes with humans, #resources, #laws

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Robot: Im looking forward to something called the technological singularity. Thats when roots will learn to program themselves and become a super intelligent species that competes with humans for limited resources. Dilbert: Luckliy, the three laws will prevent you from hurting us. Robot: Yes, because that is totally a real thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management experts, #fat leaders, #favorably, #athletic ones, #donuts, #forget, #seriously

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Carol: management experts say fat readers are viewed less favorably than athletic ones, Thats why I didn't order any donuts for your meeting. The Boss: Or did you just forget to do it? Carol: I can't take you seriously looking like that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #worms, #bad apple, #ruining everyone, #walk it off, #contagious

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Dilbert: The bad apple you hired is ruining the rest of us. Boss: Just walk it off, you big baby. I want solutions, not problems. Ouch! Stupid bad apple! Dilbert: Walk it off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interviews, #managers & supervisors, #exit imnterview, #pointy haired loser, #improve situation, #business

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Boss: Why do you want to leave your current job? Interviewee: My boss is a pointy-haired loser, but he's smart enough to know when he's being insulted right to his face. I'm looking to improve on that situation. Boss: You came to the right place.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interviews, #trousers, #emperor has no clothes, #wearing pants, #forget pants

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Boss: I'm looking for employees who aren't afraid to tell the emperor he has no clothes. Interviewee: Fine. You're not wearing pants. Boss: What? The one time I forget to wear pants...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #poor persons, #rich people, #homely, #middle class, #capitalism

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CEO: I don't know how to say this delicately so I'll just say it. Looking at your homely, middle-class face makes my skin crawl. Never speak directly to me again. Sometimes I think they don't understand capitalism.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carbon dioxide, #exhales endangered species, #fabrications, #harbard, #higgs boson particle, #licorice and flashlight, #national football league, #no bragging rights, #no kids, #training for olympics

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Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #algorithm, #attraction, #creative men, #creativity is random, #dating, #free will, #humans, #illusion, #moist robots, #parties, #shop around, #short term relationsips, #relationships

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Woman: Okay, what's going on here? Dilbert: I'm creative. Studies show that women prefer creative men for short-term relationships. Woman: That plant is random, not creative. Dilbert: Creativity is random. If creativity were anything but random, someone would have figured out the algorithm by now. I notice that your pupils are dilating. That's a sign of attraction. My plan is working. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. Just relax and let it happen. Woman: This is weird. I'm actually attracted to you now. Dilbert: Thanks, but I'm going to shop around. Woman: My world no longer makes sense! Dilbert: Walk it off.