Who Knows More Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Who Knows More

View 101 - 110 results for who knows more comic strips. Discover the best "Who Knows More" comics from Dilbert.com.

Better Listener Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Better Listener Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #boyfriend, #free will, #programming, #listening, #Opinion, #relationships, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I'm updating your boyfriend code to make you a better listener. I want to see more nodding and less talking. Robot: But I have so much to offer. Alice: I'll dial back your ego, too.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tldr, #email, #communication, #patience, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Did you read my email? Dilbert: No, it was too long. Man: Maybe you could read it when you have more time. Dilbert: I never have time to read email messages that are too long. Maybe you could rewrite it to be shorter. Man: I don't have time to rewrite it. Dilbert: And I don't have time to read it. Man: If no one reads that email, it will mean I wasted two hours writing it. Dilbert: Plus, you're wasting my time right now. Don't forget to include that in your failure assessment. Man: I had high hopes for that email. Dilbert: It's a sunk cost. Let it go.

Wanting More Out Of Life

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wanting More Out Of Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #laziness, #wisdom, #ambition

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Do you ever want more out of life? Wally: That's how losers think. If you always want more, you can never be happy with what you have. Asok: I can't tell if you're wise or lazy. Wally: I know. It took me years to find that sweet spot.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #mumbling, #speech, #understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.

Bad Optics

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Optics - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearances, #optics, #logic, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't like the optics of your plan. Dilbert: It's the only plan that can work. Should I change it to something that looks good but won't work? Boss: Excellent idea. You might have more management potential than I though.

Days Off Versus More Pay

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Days Off Versus More Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catch-22, #wages, #trick question, #vacation, #compensation, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Would you rather have more days off or more pay? Alice: Days off. Dilbert: Days off. Wally: Days off. Boss: You were right-- we're paying them too much.

Family Of Squirrels In A Tire

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Family Of Squirrels In A Tire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #management, #managers, #obliviousness, #direction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why can't we innovate as quickly as our competition? Dilbert: Maybe it's because our management is like a family of squirrels that lives inside an old tree. Boss: Can you be more specific? Dilbert: It's a Goodyear tire with five grey squirrels.

Robot Lawyer Has Comments

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Lawyer Has Comments - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #robot, #talk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any comments on the contract I emailed to you? Robot: Adjudicate the continuance of due diligence until an injunction repudiates the covenants. Dilbert: I was hoping for comments that make sense. Robot: You're thinking of a more expensive robot.

Rather Eat Garbage

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Rather Eat Garbage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #choices, #boredom, #listening, #trash, #garbage, #suffering

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Would you rather eat garbage or listen to our boss talk about his weekend? Dilbert: I'd have to know more about the garbage to make that decision. Wally: Let's say it's mostly kitchen stuff. Dilbert: Am I eating it from the can or fighting birds for it?

Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fair, #fairness, #wages, #equality, #worth, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.