2007 Comic Strips - Page 11

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #org chart, #personal problems, #appendix, #health, #excuse, #drama

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The Boss, "Carol, did you update the org chart yet?" Carol: "No. I kept waiting for it to become more important than my personal problems. But it just never happened." The Boss: "how about right now?" Carol: "Ouch! I think that's my appendix!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimates, #constant supervison, #time to watch

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The Boss: "Wally, did you get those cost estimates I asked for last week?" Wally: "No, I need constant supervision." The Boss: "Can you do it now?" Wally: "Do you have time to watch?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #documentary on bugs, #insecure, #self centered, #walk, #date, #self involved

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Dilbert: "I saw a fascinating documentary about bugs." Date: "In other words, you like bugs more than you like me." "In other words, you like bugs more than you like me." Dilbert: "Yes, but I didn't realize it until just now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworkers, #mean spirited, #nasty comments, #Family, #cubicle, #window, #envy

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Man: "Alice, Did you hear I'm getting a cubicle by the window?" Alice: "Although I wouldn't want that cubicle because of the glare, the fact that you want it makes me hate you for getting it." Man: "We're like a family here." Alice: "I hope it collapses on your head!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public relations, #marketing claims, #tap water, #unleaded gasoline, #reanimate the dead, #lousy job, #job easier

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Dogbert, VP of marketing PR: "As head of public relations, it will be my job to explain your marketing claims." Dogbert: "So?" PR: "You claim our product can turn tap water into unleaded gasoline and reanimate the dead." Dogbert: "Are you asking my to do a lousy job of marketing just so your job is easier?" PR: "Um..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vp of marketing, #describe prodcut, #marketing language, #overheat, #hottest prodcut, #know carcinigens, #appreciate life!

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Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "Describe your product in technical terms and I'll turn it into marketing language." Alice: "Well, it tends to overheat." Dogbert: "'hottest product on the market!'" Alice: "All the parts are known carcinogens." Dogbert: "Makes you appreciate life!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract changes, #last month, #negotiate, #not authorized, #hope to wear you down

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Dilbert: "You didn't make any of the contract changes we agreed on last month." Ted: "That's how I negotiate." "I'm not authorized to make any changes to the contract." "And the executives who have that power will think I'm not doing my job if I ask them to do it." "So I agree to everything you ask, then I don't put any of it in the contract." "Over the course of several months I hope to wear you down and make you sign the contract as is." Dilbert: "Can you at least change section three the way I asked? Ted: "Sure. No problem." "I'll see you in a month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vp of marketing, #spray paint the oadkill, #dishonesty, #isn't mortal, #won't work

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Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "It's my job to spraypaint the roadkill." "I'll use a process the experts call 'dishonesty'." "My motto is 'if it isn't immoral, it probably won't work'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vp of marketing, #improve revenues, #ridiculous lie, #gullible moron, #he believed it, #touche

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The Boss: Our new VP of marketing promises to improve our revenues by ten billion percent! Alice: "That is a ridiculous lie that only a gullible moron would believe." Dogbeet: "Oh yeah? How do you explain the fact that HE believed it?" The boss: "Touche"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compete on price, #quality features, #fraud, #marketing, #business

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The Boss: "We can't compete on price." "We also can't compete on quality features or service." "That leaves fraud, which I'd like you call marketing."