2018 Comic Strips - Page 11

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New Statue In The Lobby

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New Statue In The Lobby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, alice, the boss, criminal, tech support, darned, good, report

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The Boss: Where's the career criminal I hired to do tech support? He was last seen talking to you. Alice: Rumor has it that someone murdered him, covered him in with-out and tried to pass him off as a statue in the lobby. Dilbert: I would report this if it did't look so darned good here.

Criminal Does Tech Support

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Criminal Does Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, market, competitive, career, criminal, internal, tech support, passwords, software, justice, fist

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Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?

Hiring Paul The Criminal

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Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, job, market, competitive, ex-cons, work, criminals, caught, paul, data center, copper, wire

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The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.

Dogbert Throws Penalty Flag

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Dogbert Throws Penalty Flag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, the boss, asok, Wally, Dilbert, accomplish, addicted, apps, fortnite, slept, losers, podcast

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Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because I'm addicted to apps on my phone. I haven't slept in three days because of my "Fortnite" habit. The Boss: What about the rest of you losers? Asok: Shhh. I got a one-ear podcast going here.

Dogbert The Meeting Referee

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Dogbert The Meeting Referee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, story, time-wasting, red card, Wally, refree

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Dogbert, the meeting referee. The Boss: That reminds me of a story. Dogbert: Tweet! Fifteen-yard penalty for a time-wasting story! The Boss: I''ll make it quick. Dogbert: Red card!

Compared To What

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Compared To What - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, referee, terrible, compared, imagine, penalty, flag, incorrect, duh

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Dogbert, the meeting referee. Man: Your plan is terrible. Dilbert: Compared to what? Man: Compared to the plan I imagine could exist, but doesn't. Duh. Dogbert: Penalty flag for incorrect us of "duh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, employee, calendar, week, awkward, problem, schedule, relative, lunch, sandwich

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Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.

Dogbert's Pep Talk

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Dogbert's Pep Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, virtual, forget, real, people, inadequate, talk

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Dilbert: I'm worried that if I spend too much time using virtual reality, I'll forget how to talk to real people. Dogbert: I doubt you could get more boring and inadequate than you already are.

Virtual Reality

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Virtual Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, days, virtual, trained, hospital, designer, bed, lazy

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Dilbert: After spending three great days in virtual reality, I accidentally trained myself to hate actual reality. Wally: What if this reality is actually another virtual reality, and you're really in a hospital bed somewhere? Dilbert: What kind of designer would make a reality with you in it? Wally: A lazy one.

Present Company Excluded

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Present Company Excluded - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, carol, virtual, human, organic, cheated, present, excluded, problem

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Dilbert: I just spent three days using virtual reality with no human contact whatsoever. Now every time I interact with an organic human, I feel cheated. Carol: Present company excluded? Dilbert: Here's another problem I never have in virtual reality.