Bad People Comic Strips - Page 11
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Dogbert asks Dilbert, "Let me get this straight . . . You say that BAD grammar can become GOOD grammar over time?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. If a bunch of intellectuals start using a word wrong, then it becomes proper in common usage." Dogbert says, "Grammar would be a lot less confusing if we had smarter intellectuals."
Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "I've got to get out of this bad mood somehow." Dogbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody innocent to blame . . . And make him plead for my forgiveness." Dilbert says, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that some kind of an insult?"
Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How was your first day as a substitute school teacher?" Dogbert replies, "Imagine feeling completely powerless . . . Like a marble statue . . ." Dilbert says, "Gosh . . . That sounds pretty bad." Dogbert says, "Now imagine the biggest flock of pigeons you ever saw . . ."
Dogbert lies on his pillow. Dilbert says, "Dogbert . . . Napping again?" Dilbert says, "Don't you know that many famous people functioned with very little sleep . . .? There were Jackie Gleason, Ben Franklin, Napoleon . . ." Dogbert says, "I like to think I'm more attractive than any of those guys."
The panel says, "Dilbert presents: Bad Habits From a Parallel Universe!" A maitre d' says to Dilbert and Dogbert, "Table for Phleem?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. In the 'no slapping yourself with a sea bass' section." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table listening to slapping noises. Dogbert says, "Great, one table away . . ." Dilbert says, "Do you ever wonder about the first person to try that habit?"
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to form a personality cult to honor me." Dogbert continues, "I'll take everybody's money and make them wear bathrobes with my picture on the back." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't it be cheaper to brand them and let them run naked?" Dogbert replies, "As a rule, we're not talking about attractive people here."
Dilbert says to a witch, "No! You can't force me to work in accounting! I'm an engineer!" The witch replies, "It's too late . . ." The witch explains, "You came . . . You breathed the air . . . The change is irreversible . . . Bradley will train you." Spikes grow out of Dilbert's back and he begins to turn into a troll. Dilbert says, "I'm starting to get a bad attitude about this job . . ." Bradley the Troll replies, "Good. I can skip that part of the training."
Dogbert holds a sign that says "Fur is Murder." Dogbert asks a woman in a fur coat, "How can you live with yourself? Have you no conscience?" The woman replies, "Oh, big deal . . . A bunch of minks get bad haircuts and I get a warm coat . . . I'll bet you'd make a nice pair of mittens." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I don't think I reached her."
Dogbert stands on the sidewalk holding a sign that says "Fur is Murder." There is a "Fur Sale" sign in the store behind him. The proprietor asks, "What's yer problem with my store, dog?" Dogbert replies, "I oppose the sale of fur." The storekeeper says, "I'm not selling fur. The whole store is 'fur sale.'" Dogbert says, "I oppose bad spelling too."