Bar Conversation Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for bar conversation comic strips. Discover the best "Bar Conversation" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #excuses, #argument, #depressed, #conversation, #business

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Dilbert works in collections Customer says, "My wife left me, my truck caught on fire, and all of my organs are failing." Dilbert says, "I work in a collections department." Customer says, "You win." Dilbert says, "Winning isn't what it used to be." a voice yells, "Your five minute break is over!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2009's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #lying, #deception

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The boss says, "I'll be right back after I inoculate our CEO." The boss says, "If you ever decide to reduce our layers of management, Carl is worthless and he thinks your kids look like the director of sales." The boss thinks, "That should buy me a few months."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #conversation, #cruelty, #ridicule, #business

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The boss says, "I gave the same assignment to all the employees who look like you." The boss says, "A blind squirrel is more likely to find a nut if there are a lot of blind squirrels." the boss says, "That sounded cruel allow me to rephrase it." the boss says, "I meant vision-impaired squirrels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #online budget approval, #process making changes, #classes, #approval process, #budget varience, #broken system, #charges, #cubicle, #billable project, #exaggerating accomplishments

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Dilbert: Out online budget approval system isn't working. There's a process for making changes to the system, but I don't know it. I could take a class to learn the process, but there's also a process for approving classes. I could learn the process for approving classes, but I'd still need approval for a budget variance to take the class. And I can't get that because the online budget approval system is broken. I can't even have this conversation because it will make me charge too much of my engineering time to administrative overhead. So I'll go sit in my cubicle and pretend to be thinking about a billable project. It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #after work, #bar, #date, #drink, #false sense, #group activity, #other people, #safety, #scam, #show up, #suspicious, #trick, #trust

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Dilbert says, "Some of us are going for a drink after work. Would you like to join us?" A woman says, "Nice try, but I know how this scam works." The woman says, "You're trying to lull me into a false sense of activity with a group activity." The woman says, "But we both know the other people will mysteriously never show up." The woman says, "Then it's just you and me on what looks like a date." Dilbert says, "How many people do I have to invite before you believe some of them will show up?" The woman says, "Well, given the disparity in our levels of attractiveness, I'd say thirty-five." Dilbert says, "Can do." The woman says, "Not one other person showed?" Dilbert says, "I only invited women who are more suspicious than you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

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The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #talking, #telling, #story, #interrupted, #annoyed, #berating, #angry, #hijacked, #criticism, #ridicule, #ignoring

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Dilbert says, "And then Ted said he'd?" Man says, "Ho ho! I've seen that a million times!" Man says, "At my old job we used to make cricket noises whenever our manager was approaching." Man says, "But that doesn't mean you should cut corners when it comes to quality." Dilbert says, "You're hijacking our conversation!" Man says, "I'm adding value." Dilbert says, "You don't even know what we were talking about." Wally says, "Apparently you have a social disorder that compes you to insert irrelevant stories and trite observations into other people's conversations." Wally says, "I assume part of the disorder involves not being able to recognize it in yourself." Dilbert says, "I wonder if he can hear us." Man says, "Did I tell you about my camping trip?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #business case, #hold folder, #funding, #deny, #landfill wet hunting, #frustrating, #yell, #shake, #upset

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Dilbert says, "I finished the business case." Dilbert says, "You said you would try to get funding if the numbers look good." The Boss says, "I never said that." Dilbert says, "I clearly remember it. I can describe our conversation word for word." The Boss says, "I probably said something that sounded like 'I will get funding' and you heard it wrong." Dilbert says, "What exactly sounds like 'I will get funding'?" The Boss says, "Landfill wet hunting." Dilbert says, "That's not even a good try!!!" The Boss says, "Shake it off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #employee, #walk, #coffee cup, #applicant, #phone, #ring, #wake up, #brag

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The Boss says, "Interview this applicant and tell me if he's right for our company." Wally says, "Tim, we don't set the bar as high as we used to."<BRWally says, "In our golden days, we insisted on employees who could work tirelessly through the night." Wally says, "As business slowed, we were happy with anyone who put in eight hours a day." Wally says, "then our best people left." Wally says, "Now on cubicles are mostly used for napping." Wally says, "So my question is this: Would a ringing phone wak you up?" Tim says, "Probably." Wally says, "He comes across as a braggart."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"