Bully Staff Comic Strips - Page 11
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The Boss says to his staff during a meeting, "From now on, this is going to be a fun organization." Wally asks the Boss, "When are you leaving?" The meeting ends and Wally and Dilbert are leaving the room. Wally's glasses are broken and he looks like he's been ruffed up a little. Wally says to Dilbert, "I had no idea that a rubber chicken could hurt so much."
Pointing to a picture of a man running, the Boss says to his staff "Speed is the key to success." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Is it okay to do things wrong if we're really fast?" The Boss answers, "Um...no." Wally says to Dilbert, "Now I'm all confused. Thank you very much."
Asok the Intern sits across from the Boss. The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise. You don't ask enough questions in meetings." The Boss continues, "Questions show that you care about your job and have a thirst for knowledge." Asok is seen at a staff meeting, hand raised, asking, "Who else likes wood?"
A man with a wizard suit, holding an animal-headed staff says to The Boss, "I'd like permission to hold daily prayer services in a conference room." The man continues, "I'll do it before work and of course I'll clean up any blood." The man continues, "So far I'm the only member of my religion but I have ambitious plans for brainwashing."
The Boss says to Wally, "I'm giving everyone on my staff this inspirational book about a successful fish market!" The Boss continues, "I want you to be like the characters in the book." Wally says to Dilbert, "The title characters get captured, tossed around and eaten." Dilbert looks at the book and says, "Depressing."
The grim reaper prods Dilbert forward with his staff. The grim reaper says, "I was a grim reaper until I started taking antidepressants." The walk towards a cave labeled, "Death." The grim reaper continues, "I still reap, because I like the work. But I'm not grim." Dilbert asks, "Am I dead?" The grim reaper responds, "No, I'm over my limit today, so I'm doing catch-and-release."
The Boss' boss shakes his finger at The Boss and says, "You've got to focus on execution!" The Boss is puzzled. The Boss says to Catbert, "I think he wants me to execute people." Catbert responds, "Make it look like an accident." The Boss announces at a meeting, "From now on, my staff meetings will be two hours long." Alice and Wally sob.
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need you to go on an international sales call." Dilbert asks, "How should I dress?" The Boss responds, "Salespeople should dress one level above the customer." Dilbert is dressed like God. He has a lightning bolt in one hand and a cherub staff in the other. He asks Dogbert, "What's better - the cherub or the lightning bolt?" Dogbert responds, "Take both. You can't overdress at the vatican."
The boss: Sales are dropping like a rock. Our plan is to invent some sort of doohickey that everyone wants to buy. The visionary leadership work is done, How long will your part take.
"Pantless prima donna" "May I ask you a question?" "Silence, fool!" "Alert the patent office that I am about to begin. They might want to increase staff." "Maybe you should turn on your computer." "I don't do hardware."