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The Boss says, "I don't need to know the details. Just give me the high altitude view." Dilbert says, "From a high altitude we're all a bunch of termites trying to eat the same log." The Boss says, "Maybe drill down a little more." Dilbert says, "The termites hate each other."
Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "Can you turn a simple agreement into impenetrable gibberish?" The lawyer says, "Absolutely. I can also leave a sour taste in everyone's mouth and make you want to choke me with my suspenders." The lawyer says, "If you exercise and eat right, you might still be alive when I finish it." Dilbert says, "Good enough."
Tina says, "Wally, can you eat quieter?" Crunch crunch mmmph crunch gulp Tina says, "you sound like an asthmatic rhinoceros rampaging a cracker festival." Mmmph erm crunch crunch Tina says, "GAAA!!! Not the beverage!" Wally says, "Prepare slurper! Boop!"
Dogbert the Philanthropist Dogbert says, "If I give a man a fish, he will eat for one day." Dogbert says, "But if I inspire him by my opulent lifestyle and my squiring of supermodels, he might try harder." Dilbert says, "You can't stop giving." Dogbert says, "It's like a curse."
Dilbert: I got reassigned to manage our legacy systems. The dress code is "troll." My cubicle is under the walkway. My side job is scaring vendors. Dogbert: Is that hard? Dilbert: Only the first day. After you eat one vendor, work gets around.
Alice says, "I see you have your giant-sized barf bag. You must be going to the consumer electronics show." Dilbert says, "Yup." Dilbert says, "Every time I see a new product that is cooler than anything we're working on, I'll go to the bag." Man says, "And it only weight one ounce!" FOOMP!!! At the show
Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment." "I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data." "Then eat the wrong kinds of foods and hope you die before the earth does. The Boss: "You're making me hungry!"
The boss: "I don't understand anything you do, so I assume it's all useless." Dilbert: "Maybe you could go to M.I.T. and get a degree in engineering so you would understand what I do." The boss: "Would that be easier than not giving you a raise?"
Catbert is lying on a psychologist's couch. He says, "I'm a director of human resources." Catbert continues, "So naturally, I have to keep up the appearance of being evil." The psychologist asks, "But you find it difficult to do evil things?" Catbert responds, "No, I like that part of the job... Stop jumping ahead, hag." Catbert continues, "My problem is that anytime I see a tiny object fall to the floor, I jump on it and eat it." Catbert continues, "Sometimes I'm not even hungry and I know it's just a piece of debris but I can't stop myself." The psychologist says, "Oops.. I misspelled psycho." Catbert's voice is heard "No! Not eraser debris!" Catbert is heard from the floor, "#*!! @$& Quack!" The psychologist laughs and responds, "Who's a hag?"