Defensive Strategy Comic Strips - Page 11
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185 Results for Defensive Strategy
View 101 - 110 results for defensive strategy comic strips. Discover the best "Defensive Strategy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday December 18,
2003
Tags #worry, #paranoid beaver, #productivity rewarded, #alice, #merger, #boss
Transcript
Alice : My strategy is to work like a paranoid beaver during the merger. Surely my productivity will be noticed and rewarded when the downsizing begins, Man: and who is alice? The Boss: Im pretty sure thats the bald guy with glasses.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday January 23,
2004
Tags #profits down, #sales department, #warhouse, #book
Transcript
The boss: "Profits are down, so we fired the sales department to reduce costs." "This strategy heavily depends on people driving to our warehouse and begging for our products." "Do you think I should write a book?" Dilbert: "I'd try reading one first."
Monday February 09,
2004
Tags #typo discovered, #driving staretgy, #eberyone, #avery wong, #free delivery
Transcript
Ask: "I discovered a typo in the market forecast that is driving our company strategy." "Where it says,'Everyone would want one,' it should have said, 'Every Wong would want one." "Worse yet, I called Mr. Wong and he said he was joking." The Boss: "What if we gave him free delivery?"
Thursday December 30,
2004
Tags #tell vendor, #combination, #lack of importance, #total insignificant
Transcript
Why would my boss tell a vendor our strategy and not tell me? "It's probably a combination of your lack of importance and your total insignificance." "Do you have anymore questions like that one?"
Sunday October 31,
1999
Tags #seven silo teams, #merge them, #coherent plan, #mutually exclusive, #deciding startegy, #losers, #silo teams
Transcript
The boss is following Dilbert to a desk. The boss says, "Here are the strategies from our seven silo teams." They sit down and the boss says, "Your job is to merge them into a coherent company plan." Dilbert says, "These are all mutually exclusive." Dilbert continues... "I'd have to totally change them to make them coherent." Dilbert goes on... "In effect, I would be deciding the strategy for the entire company." The boss says, "That's okay." Dilbert replies, "It is?" The boss walks off thinking, "No one ever reads it anyway." Dilbert, at his computer thinks, "I feel sorry for those losers on the silo teams."
Saturday January 08,
2005
Tags #transformational change, #feel different, #nauseas felling, #going to hurl, #change feels like
Transcript
The Boss: Our differentiating value-added strategy is transformational change. "How was that? Does anyone feel different?" Alice: "My urge to hurl was increased a little bit." The Boss: "That's what change feels like."
Thursday September 08,
2005
Monday October 31,
2005
Tags #overall startegy, #never ask questiom, #hear the answer
Transcript
How does my project fit into our company's overall strategy? "Beats me. I didn't even know we had a strategy." "Never ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer." "That's why I never say 'How are you?'"
Tuesday November 08,
2005
Tags #unpleasant parts, #free to concentrate, #do startegy
Transcript
"I'd like to hire someone to do all of the unpleasant parts of my job." "That way I'll be free to concentrate on strategy." "Fair enough." "Secondly, I'd like to hire someone to do strategy."