Excellent Track Record Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

148 Results for Excellent Track Record

View 101 - 110 results for excellent track record comic strips. Discover the best "Excellent Track Record" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greek, #greek word, #parthenon, #word for sports event, #zeus, #new product

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "Wally has been researching Greek words to name our new product." Wally says, "All I have is Zeus. And Parthenon. And the word 'Greek' itself." Wally continues, "I understand they have a word for sports even too. I'm trying to track that down."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feng shui, #pet psychic, #new career, #furniture psychic, #wastebasket loves desk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting at the kitchen table. Dogbert says, "They believe in Feng Shui. They believe in the pet psychic." Dogbert continues, "This suggests an excellent new career for me." Carol approaches The Boss and says, "The furniture psychic is here. He says my wastebasket is in love with my desk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Your resume looks great. I see no reason you wouldn't be an excellent phone center employee. "Mwab blah glob wobmah tob muh wah wah." "This job got a lot less stressful once I realized I hate our customers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

I think what we should do is... "Whoa!" "Give me a minute to install my management listening catheter." "Tell me about your excellent suggestion."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the tech writer "I'm starting my own blog!" "Dear god, no!" "Every day I will record my personal thoughts about our business." "I need you to write the first one by noon. I can't wait to see what I'm thinking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults "You need a dashboard application to track your key metrics." "That way you'll have more data to ignore when you make your decisions based on company politics." "Will the data be accurate?" "Okay, let's pretend that matters."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

I have finished my projects. What's next? "Make a spreadsheet and track something." "Track what?" "I think you'll find that it doesn't matter."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #data werewolves, #elbonian hackers, #entrails, #linkedin, #passwords, #servers, #supernatural beings, #usernames

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: Elbonian hackers stole a million usernames and passwords from our servers. So I send an army of data werewolves to track down the perpetrators and eat their entrails. Boss: How did you find an army of data werewolves? Mordac: LinkedIn

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #angry, #hateful creature, #hope, #interviews, #job interview, #managers & supervisors, #monster, #optimisim, #smile, #toxic work place, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.