Search Results for "four queens"
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Character
Monday May 06,
2013
Tags #telecommunication lines, #work ethic, #telecommuting, #policy, #assignments, #disappointed
Transcript
Boss: And you are...? Coworker: I've worked for you for years. I was telecommuting, but now our company policy forbids it, so here I am. Boss: Did I give you any assignments in those four years? Coworker: No, and you can imagine how disappointed I am now.
Sunday November 03,
2013
Tags #hypocrisy, #respect, #succeed, #treat each other well, #video recording, #google glasses, #recording confidential info, #fired, #insulting, #final check, #name calling, #ironic
Transcript
CEO: We only succeed when we treat each other with respect. Are you video-recording me with those Google glasses? Dilbert: Huh? CEO: You're fired for recording a confidential meeting! Pack your bags, you worthless piece of garbage! I got your final check right here! Dilbert: These are my regular glasses. Having cleared that up, you were saying something about respect? CEO: Settle down, four-eyes. This isn't over.
Wednesday October 16,
2013
Tags #executives, #Family, #obliviousness, #career, #focus, #married with kids, #huge hassle, #already chosen
Transcript
Dogbert: Executive Coach Dogbert: You need to focus on your career or your family. You can't do both. CEO: I don't have a family. Dogbert: Actually, you're married and you have four kids. CEO: That sounds like a huge hassle. Dogbert: Perhaps you've already chosen.
Sunday April 26,
2015
Tags #deadlines, #deadline, #management, #time management, #projects, #distraction, #multitasking
Transcript
Boss: When do you think you can get that done for me? Dilbert: Depends. If I had no interruptions, I could finish in four hours. But we have to factor in the inefficiency of your management. For example, you're likely to give me six new projects before I get started on this one. And you force me to work in ta noisy office surrounded by all the people I need to avoid to get work done. Given all of that, I'd say it will take seven months. Boss: I'll give you three months because I'm a leader. Dilbert: Oookay. And... how much of the three months will involve you standing there?
Monday May 18,
2015
More Than Garfield
Tags #mondays, #Garfield, #sarcasm, #teasing, #conversation, #antisocial, #alienation
Transcript
Alice: I hate Mondays more than Garfield. Wally: Why do you hate Garfield at all? Is it his total disregard for lasagna ownership? Alice: Don't speak to me again until Tuesday. Wally: One day down, four to go.
Saturday September 05,
2015
Topper Never Sleeps
Tags #sleep, #tired, #brag, #bragging, #braggart, #absurd, #competition, #top, #embellish, #embellishment, #exaggeration, #health
Transcript
Topper. Dilbert: I only slept four hours last night. Topper: That's nothing. I was born awake and decided to stay that way. Dilbert: Lack of sleep is making me a little loopy. Topper: I have a human head collection.
Thursday June 30,
2016
Wally's Email Makes No Sense
Tags #bot, #deception, #laziness, #work ethic, #obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: Wally's emails make no sense. Dilbert: He replaced himself with a chatbot. He designed the chatbot to be useless so you'd think it was him. Boss: And he thought this would fool me? Dilbert: He's been gone for four months.
Tuesday March 07,
2017
Tina Won't Stop Talking
Tags #conversation, #company policy, #politeness, #etiquette, #time, #talking
Transcript
Dilbert: Our new politeness policy is having unintended consequences. I just spent four hours listening to Tina talk about hear health problems because the company says it is rude to just walk away. Wally: How did you escape? Dilbert: She had a health problem. I got lucky.
Sunday May 07,
2017
Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense
Transcript
Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.
Monday January 22,
2018
Unforseen Problems
Tags #building apps, #completion date, #problems, #unforseen
Transcript
Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.