Full Human Comic Strips - Page 11

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497 Results for Full Human

View 101 - 110 results for full human comic strips. Discover the best "Full Human" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, new policy, no d drinking coffee, remove all doubt, policies, evil, honesty, ruining the moment, business

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Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dna, feed her, human genome, human simulations, invented, mapped and decoded, market application, on computer watch, punish her, samples, software, software simulation, engineering

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Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, scientist, planet zorp, technolgies, engineers, transfer knowledge, work, fabric covered container, business, science

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Scientist: I am a scientist from the planet Zorp. I bring you technologies beyond your imagination. All I ask is that you let me work with your engineers to transfer this knowledge. They think 'work' means sitting in a fabric-covered container.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags get to cubicle, without human contact, teamwork

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Dilbert: My day will start out great if I can make it to my cubicle without human contact. "AAYI-YI-YI-YI!" The Boss: I hope that was the sound of teamwork."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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How can I achieve my full potential? "You already have." "What?" "Seriously. You already peaked." "I came to human resources for some guidance." "That's what tipped me off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, work ethic, execution, innovation, full time job, excellence, inspired, died on inside, coffee and resentment, chemical formula for hatred, drilled employees

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Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags diseases, employees, frustration, new bad apple, joining project, full disclosure, totally contagious, immune, worms, business, medical

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Coworker: I'm the new bad apple. I'll be joining your project. In the interest of full disclosure, this is totally contagious. Wally: I'm immune, but not for reasons I'm proud of. Coworker: You must be Wally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 300 iq, computer, convincing people, desk, evil director, human resources, nobel prize, track record, unix, technology, business

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Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 300, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags due diligence, hidden issues, bad time, human buns

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to handle the due diligence for our alliance with the galactic protein corporation." The Boss says, "Find out if they have any hidden issues we should know about." Dilbert says, "Is this a bad time?" Human Buns

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, evaluate job applicants, unqualified loser, nailing it, business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: "I like to use role play to evaluate job applicants." Pretend you're an unqualified loser. Wow. You're totally nailing it."