Generic Advice Comic Strips - Page 11

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201 Results for Generic Advice

View 101 - 110 results for generic advice comic strips. Discover the best "Generic Advice" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #therapy, #bossy, #session, #therapist mean, #comments, #insulting, #Advice, #hurtful, #looks, #date, #psychology

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Dilbert: I have uncontrollable urges to show people better ways to do things. Do you think the real issue might be my insecurity? Therapist: Well, I wouldn't date you but thats mostly because of your looks. Dilbert: Not helping,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #online ereume, #older chubby men, #key words, #married men, #job offers, #cousin, #Advice, #one line job hunting

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"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company relocating, #high crime, #tax reasons, #ceo says, #limo, #parking garage, #chain bike to whino, #advice from ceo

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The Boss: "Our company will be relocating to a high-crime area for tax reasons." "Our CEO says don't worry about your safety because your limo can pull right into the underground parking garage." "Then he added, "Or chain your bicycle to a wino. Whatever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #barbecue, #freinds, #no freinds, #make freinds, #jogger, #desparte, #meat, #social skills, #no social skills, #random, #Advice

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Dilbert: Maybe I should invite some friends over for a barbecue. Dogbert: "You don't have any friends." Dilbert: "Good point. Maybe I should make some friends first." Dogbert: "Exactly." Dogbert:"Do you like meat?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #avoid facts, #cubicle, #paid commissions, #sales engineer, #truth, #sales rep

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The Boss: I'm making you a sales engineer. You'll be paid on commission." "When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth." "Try to avoid facts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cold learning, #cruelest, #don't wear a coat, #first lesson, #good liar, #sales support engineer, #seeking advice, #how to lie

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Dilbert: I'm a sales support engineer now. Can you teach me to be a good liar? Dogbert: Sure. Meet me on the porch, and don't wear a coat; the cold will help the learning. The first lesson is always the cruelest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Wally's keynote speech "The source of all unhappiness is other people." "The sooner you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy." "That's the stupidest advice I've ever heard!" "Hey, it's a talking ottoman! Hee-hee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #finances, #money, #obliviousness

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Financial Advisor Man: You've made a lot of money as a demotivational speaker. I recommend allocating 2% of it to me, and 98% to things that sound good if you don't look into them too closely. How about a managed stock fund with high churn and a big front-end load? Wally: Sounds good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

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Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prosperity, #persistence, #key to success, #know when to quit, #contardcitory, #flexibilty

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Boss: Persistence is the key to success. The other key to success is knowing when to quit. Dilbert: Your advice is contradictory nonsense. Boss: Because flexibility is the key to success.