Lie Comic Strips - Page 11

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116 Results for Lie

View 101 - 110 results for lie comic strips. Discover the best "Lie" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet, comment, jerk, forum, argument, anger, frustration, language, technology

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Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?

Dilbert's History Of Lying

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Dilbert's History Of Lying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accusation, innocence, guilt, lying, deception

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because of your history of lying about everything. Dilbert: I don't lie. I have a history of being falsely accused. Boss: I'll add that lie to your list. Dilbert: I don't see a path to victory here.

Software Is Never Finished

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Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, deadline, guidance, lying

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Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, deception, secret, choosing, choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, spying, technology, lying, caught, busted, guilt, proof

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Dilbert: Why didn't you answer my email? Boss: I didn't get it. Dilbert: My lie-detector app detected stress in your voice. I checked your email history on the server, and it confirms you opened my email. Boss: That could have been a hacker with my password. Dilbert: I'm checking the security camera footage for your office at that time. And there you are opening my email. Now will you admit you got my email? Boss: I'm seriously considering it.

Best Places To Work

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Best Places To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, employment, irony, lying, managers & supervisors, office

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Boss: We're trying to get on "best places to work" list. If you agree to lie on the survey, maybe we can attract some good employees to make this a best place to work. Dilbert: What? Boss: Keep your eye on the prize.

Marketing Lies

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Marketing Lies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, boss, headphones, competition, meeting, marketing, lies

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Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.

Wally Plans His Retirement

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Wally Plans His Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, retirement, profit

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wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.

Finding A Scapegoat

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Finding A Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, project, ceo, scapegaot, climate change

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the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.

Employee Engagement Survey

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Employee Engagement Survey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, underpay, senior, management, accurate, information, engagement, survey, important, underpaid

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boss: all out the employee engagement survey and make sure you lie like crazy. i don't want any accurate information to bubble up to senior management. dilbert: i've never felt less important. boss: good. that's why i can underpay you.