Lose Respect Comic Strips - Page 11

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150 Results for Lose Respect

View 101 - 110 results for lose respect comic strips. Discover the best "Lose Respect" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #eating disorder, #first 20 pounds, #diet with buddy, #lose weight, #weight issues, #health

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The Boss: My doctor says it will be easier if I diet with a buddy. Do you want in on this? Tina: Good lord. I think I just developed an eating disorder! The Boss: They say the first 20 pounds are the easiest. Tina: NOT HELPING!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We have a squatter problem." "We must make our empty cubicles appear occupied or else we'll lose them to other departments." "When we're done hosing our own company, can we start hosing the competition?" "Our customers are next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #90 day performance plan, #low ambitions

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Boss: Ted, I'm putting you on a ninety-day performance improvement play. Ted: Yes!!! I've always dreamed of making it onto the performance improvement plan! Boss: It's not as good as it sounds. Ted: With all due respect, you don't know how low my ambitions are.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firing, #humorless stain, #interview boss, #soul of humanity, #support thesis, #worship satan

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Dogbert: The Dogbert gazette is doing a story on your firing of an employee for posting a comic on the wall. I need some quotes that support my thesis of you being a humorless stain on the soul of humanity. Would you say you worship satan, or do you simply respect his nonsense approach to discipline?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lose job, #merger, #worry, #good word, #recommendation, #drink coffee, #observation

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The Boss says, "I wouldn't worry about losing your job after the merger." Dilbert says, "Because you put in a good word for me?" The Boss says, "No, it's more of an observation that I don't worry about other people's jobs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wide eyes, #merger, #hope, #status, #upgrade, #nonexistent, #unimportant, #job, #business

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The Boss says, "The people buying our company don't know that your project exists." The Boss says, "And you're not allowed to talk to anyone over there. But don't lose hope." The Boss says, "I'm working hard to upgrade your status from nonexistent to unimportant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teeth, #dentist, #vampire tips, #fangs, #fear, #excited, #mouth open, #walrus

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The Boss says, "I asked my dentist to put vampire tips on my incisors so I'd be more intimidating." The Boss says, "Here comes Alice. Watch me put the fear into her." Alice says, "You need to lose a few pounds to pull of the vampire look. This is more of a walrus vibe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer monitors, #two, #king, #queen, #evil grin, #cubicle

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Dilbert says, "In the land of cubicles, the man with two monitors is king." Dilbert says, "I pity my uni-monitored subjects, but I cannot respect them." Meanwhile, in another corner of the kingdom? Alice says, "The king is dead. Long live the queen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discriminating, #genetic reason, #idiot, #intolerance, #turned down for raise, #maximum raise, #learning problem, #desparation, #money

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The Boss: Alice, I can't give you the maximum raise because you don't respect other people's differences. Alice says, Why are you discriminating against me for my intolerance? If I am intolerant for some genetic reason, then I can't help it. Alice says, "And if I'm intolerant because I can't learn to be otherwise, then obviously I have a learning problem. Alice says, "Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not acceptable for me to notice it? You need to start appreciating me for my intolerance! Alice says, And while I'm at it, allow my to mention that a monkeys seat cushion has better views than what I'm looking at right now. The Boss says, "I'm not quite sure where to go with this." Alice says, "Ooh! Oooh! I have a suggestion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone product, #form of radiation, #negative effect, #head turn red, #weight loss, #new cell phone, #positive spin

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The Boss says, "We have a little problem with our new cell phone product." "It gives off a form of radiation that has a negative effect on the user." Dilbert says, "How bad is it?" The Boss says, "Well, it makes your head turn red, and you lose weight." A person says, "Hey, what is up with our new cell phone? I feel different." A janitor says, "Can I borrow your friend?" The Boss says, "I don't see why not." The person says, "AAAIII!!!" GLUB GLUB GLUB The Boss says, "Anyway, see if you can put a positive spin on that."