Matching Skills Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

120 Results for Matching Skills

View 101 - 110 results for matching skills comic strips. Discover the best "Matching Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2010's comic on:

Tags #class, #expenses, #money, #options, #fire, #stupid, #dog, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I need this class to update my skills. Will you approve the expense?" The Boss says, "Where's the analysis of alternatives?" Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "When you ask for funding, you need to tell me what my options are." Dilbert says, "Well, okay. That seems logical." Dilbert says, "Option two. Do nothing while I become increasingly unqualified for my job." Dilbert says, "Option three: replace me with someone younger who earns less than I do and already has the skills." Dilbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "Options are only good when other people don't have them."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2007's comic on:

Tags #big business, #business, #cars, #news, #sales, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're going to take a page from the automaker's playbooks. Automakers prove their design skills by creating concept cars that will never go into production. Then they prove their management skills by producing cars that are less attractive than corrective underpants. Tomorrow we're holding a press conference to show the world our own concept product. Our concept product can stop global warming and wax your back at the same time. Man: Can it actually do those things? Boss: Why do you care? Man: So...actually it's just a huge waste of our time. Boss: You have a mighty low opinion of news.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2004's comic on:

Tags #senior vice president, #impress, #chummy with intern, #slacking slacker, #good motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The new senior vice president will be at my meeting, I hope to impress him with my leadership skills. Uh- oh underling alert. I can't be seen getting chummy with an intern, Pleas don't try to make conversation don't don't don't don't Asok: did you do anything fun this weekend? The boss: Here he comes! The boss: get back to work you slacking slacker!!! Good motivating! if he blows ho sons with every necktie. You're my new vice president.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2014's comic on:

Tags #internet & world wide web, #movies, #clever video, #create video, #internet, #go viral, #marketing experts, #engineer, #more passion, #loser attitude, #viral video, #Entertainment, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2014's comic on:

Tags #cleaning, #engineers, #coal break room, #highest priority, #mold grow, #mutating bacteria, #rapidly eveolved, #sentient being, #fueled by lunch, #learned languages, #job in hr, #plans on firing, #inappropriate websites

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: You need to clean the break room refrigerator more often. Wally: We're engineers. We only do the highest priority tasks. Tina: Mold started to grow in there. Wally: That's no big deal. Tina: Bacteria caused the mold to mutate. Wally: So what? Tina: It rapidly evolved into a sentient being fueled by forgotten lunches. Then it learned language skills and got a job in Human Resources. It plans to frame you for viewing inappropriate websites at work and then fire you. Wally: This sort of thing usually works itself out.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2014's comic on:

Tags #charitable organizations, #corporate charity, #deception, #no boss fooled, #teaching interview techniques, #trained umemployed, #work ethic, #job skill

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Last week, I did my corporate charity work by teaching unemployed people how to interview for jobs. Boss: Don't they also need job skills? Wally: Nah. I taught them how to look busy. Boss: No boss will be fooled by that. Wally: Do you believe I trained unemployed people last week?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2014's comic on:

Tags #anger, #clothing, #dress code, #dress codes, #fashion, #matching, #same outifits, #ale, #dfemale, #slap to death

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Hey, it's the first day of our new dress code and we wore exactly the same outfits! Alice: If you ever say that again I will rip out your tongue and use it to slap you to death. Dilbert: Is it because I wore it better?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2015's comic on:

Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.

App For Hiring Decisions

Thank you for voting.
App For Hiring Decisions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2015's comic on:

Tags #mansplaining, #tech, #programmers, #coders, #interview, #hiring, #stereotype

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: No need to talk. Now we use an app to make hiring decisions. The app checked your online footprint and says you're a serial mansplainer with an unsuccessful dating history. I assume that means you have awesome technical skills. Interviewee: Full stack!

Smoking And Iq

Thank you for voting.
Smoking And Iq - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2015's comic on:

Tags #smoking, #cigarettes, #tobacco, #intelligence, #i.q., #interview, #hiring

View Transcript

Transcript

Technical Interview. Dilbert: Do you smoke? Man: What does that have to do with my technical skills? Dilbert: A 2010 Israeli study says smokers have lower intelligence. Man: How do you know stuff like that? Dilbert: Would it be funny if I said I don't smoke?